Bridge Newbie

The Bridge Clinic

2012-02-01T11:57:00.000-06:00

Husband/partner and I have discussed hanging out a shingle in the corner of one of the clubs. The men ask to see partner/husband after the game to talk about a variety of male related problems (think prostate) and the women often ask to speak to me to explain, in everyday terms, what the doctor has told them which they didn't understand.

One day, an elderly woman stopped play in the middle of the hand complaining of chest pressure. Partner/husband attended to her and recommended that we call EMS. She said, "It feels just like my last heart attack" and continued to finish the game, refusing any thought of EMS. He recommended that she go to the nearest emergency room after the game. She said, "I'm going home." He said, "You may die on the way home." Her answer? "So what?" She finally did go to an E.R. near her home where they plopped another stent into her chest and she is back playing, of course.

Another player asked me to explain why her doctor said that a cardiac ablation is more dangerous than severing the electrical connections in the heart and inserting a pacemaker. That was an easy one, since I had that choice myself last year.

My former teacher, Wayne, had serious heart problems and a very long recovery. He is now back playing and winning, of course.

Here is my point; sadly, the bridge population is aging and with that, there seem to be more and more age related illnesses among us. My Tuesday partner is in rehab for the foreseeable future and I miss her greatly. I'm leaving my Tuesday's open pending her return. I told her that everyone at the club misses her and wishes her well. Her last words to me, as I left her hospital room, were, "Tell them I'll be back!"

I really admire the men and women who, through unbelievable adversity, come back to the game. If that is what keeps them going, then bridge is more valuable than I imagined. I know that bridge is supposed to be good for the aging process; keeping the brain active and all of that hoo ha. However, most of my exercise these days is playing east/west and walking table to table. I really need to get back to working out to keep the bad stuff away as long as possible. Oh well. Off to Houston for the regional later today. I hear they have a workout room at the hotel. I wonder if I will use it?

Happy New Year 2012

2012-01-10T21:51:00.002-06:00

Several readers have been asking if I have given up the blog. Nope. I just haven't written anything in about a month. Blog resolution for this year: one blog a month at least; more if anything funny happens. Friends/partners Jay and Paula went to Reno again with us over Christmas week. Club manager Laurie and her husband joined us. The six of us met early at the airport and chatted before boarding the Southwest Greyhound bus in the sky.... I mean airplane. We deplaned in Denver for a 2 hour or so layover and Laurie called to ask where we were. Paula told her to come meet us in concourse B in an eatery for lunch. Laurie said, "How do you have time for lunch? Our plane boards in 20 minutes?" It was then that we began to wonder why we hadn't seen Laurie and her husband on board or deplaning. They were in Las Vegas. Who says bridge players are brilliant?

I am about 20 points away from 500 and the dreaded B designation. Along those lines, one of my fave opponents, Barbara, asked why I was still writing a newbie blog. I gave her the Biig Al answer that I don't know much of anything about bridge so the title should stay the same. Speaking of Biig Al, I was sitting in the club prior to the game today getting agreement on a card with a new partner, Terry. Al wandered over and wanted to know where we were sitting. I said, "I don't know Al. When we get done talking we will take whatever spot is open." Al wandered off. Five minutes later he was back stating that he had saved us 8 North/South. Of course, he and his partner were at 8 East/West and I am absolutely sure that he figured he would start against us with three good boards. The first one probably was when I didn't bid a slam I should have known was there. However, they went down one on the second board and my partner bid a 6 club slam on the third board and made it. We aren't sure he should have but it made me happy and Biig Al not so happy. He growled as he left, "You two should have a great game today since we started you off with three good boards". We did. Thanks Al.

Jeri, the mentor/mentee program maven, guilted me into taking a mentee. I still don't think I am a very good teacher and don't really know enough about bridge to help myself much less anyone else but she was in desperate need and I am delighted that there are enough new players coming into the game that she needs so many mentors. I felt obligated to help out. My mentee and I had our first game at a pro/am game last night. We managed to get .22 part of a masterpoint so, that bodes well for the partnership. I like mentee Mary Lou and I'm hoping that we both will have fun together this year and help each other out; she getting table time and me learning to teach someone something (not one of my strengths). So, today Mary Lou played with her regular partner, Laura, and came in first North South. I told her she didn't need me as a mentor - she beat me. She said, "If we tell people I came in first after one game with you, you will have newbies lined up down the street to play with you". Uh oh. Maybe no one will read this far.

It's the little joys like that which keep me coming back plus the absolute love of the game. I wish all of my readers many masterpoints in 2012 before the Mayans do us in next December. Most point getter by the end of the world wins.

Tom Sez

2011-11-17T10:07:00.001-06:00

After pestering Director Tom for some time, he finally asked husband/partner and I to attend one of his series of classes. People from his former classes drop "Tom says" at the table regularly and I wanted to hear what it is that Tom actually says. I find, so far, that he is often misquoted.

The thought that any bridge player can figure out where all the high cards are after the bidding and first lead comes down is mind boggling. He has proven in class that it is possible. Possible for him, anyway. I can see it all so clearly in class. I could get the same exact hand at the table though, and not figure out where the queen of clubs is. You may remember that it is almost always the queen of clubs that is the problem card. Okay, sometimes it's the king or queen of trump but, in my experience, I'd like to club the club queen for hiding out so often.

It's a work in progress but Tom is a great motivator for improving one's game. I'm waiting for the results of his deductive reasoning system to show improvements in my game. I wish I were a more patient person.

Bridge Kids

2011-11-17T09:58:00.000-06:00

Zach is a bridge whiz at eight years of age. I call him the Mozart of bridge. He and 92 year old Bill Scarpero, (bridge harem Bill), played knockouts together at the last sectional. As Bill wandered by me later in the day, he mumbled, "that kid is the strongest player in the room". Having played against Zach and his Mom, Christy, several times, I agreed with him.

Zach has a seven year old sister. She is a slip of a girl who can easily "slip" behind players packed back to back in chairs. Therefore, she is the perfect caddy. When Director Tom asked her to pick up the entry slips one day when caddies weren't really needed she said, "Do I get paid?" Tom laughed admiringly and paid her. During a Swiss team event, my Tuesday partner Carol asked her if she were getting paid to caddy. She answered, "Do you think I would do this if I weren't?" She may not have her brother's bridge skills but she has a great future on Wall Street.

I mentioned to Zach that, should he continue to become a bridge master, people would pay him to partner with them. He said, "Do you think Eddie Wold would pay me?" "Well", I replied, "maybe not Eddie but someone like me would." He looked disappointed. If I had his skills, I'd look disappointed with that news too.

They are a lovely family with great kids. If you haven't played against him yet, you are in for a treat. Watch Zach fly.

Bridge Lessons Cont.

2011-08-19T19:12:00.001-05:00

Seven year old, grandson, Noah, has had about 3 bridge lessons and downloaded a bridge training program on to his ipad. Grandpa showed him how to take a finesse this morning. However, we heard when passing by an in progress ipad game, "I HATE no trump". ahh - the kid has a great future. He is a chip off the old grandmother block.

Recruits

2011-08-16T09:18:00.000-05:00

The two youngest grandsons are visiting for a week. The seven year old announced upon arrival that he wanted to learn to play bridge. I laid out an easy 4 spade hand for him; explained that he had to "bid" to play the hand. He grasped the concept of which card takes a trick fairly quickly but, when the lesson was over, he said, "That was really fun but I don't get the bidding part". Yep - smart guy - zeroed in on the problem immediately. I'm hoping some day to "get" the bidding part too. Five more grandchildren still to hook. Maybe, when I'm in the home, 3 of them will show up and play a few hands with me. More likely not but what is life without hope?

Popularity Contest

2011-08-02T09:41:00.000-05:00

Husband/partner and I become very popular when the Eight is Enough games are scheduled. In these games, each player has a number, depending on the number of points which have been accumulated by said player. The total number of points of all team members can't exceed eight. This means that the killer teams of superA players don't exist. It also means that players at our level, for once, become in high demand. We are number ones (lowest of the low) and the number threes try to find good number ones to fill out the team.

This is about the only time, at the bridge club, where we are actually sought after and have to turn down multiple offers from very good teammates. I feel like the pretty, popular cheerleader in high school who turns down multiple cute guys who ask her out. Since this never happened in real life, it's another new sixth decade experience. I like it.

I Can't Get No..... Satisfaction

2011-07-27T09:15:00.000-05:00

I have decided that I want to be the kind of bridge player who scores above 50 percent in every game. I think, if I ever get to that point, that I will then find even that unsatisfactory and want more than 60 percent in every game. I have to look back to the beginning to see that I have made any progress at all. Unread bridge books are still stacked next to my reading chair. I have sampled some of Mike Lawrence's book on doubles, finished Watson once, and, currently, I am making my way through Kantar's two books on defense but that is slow going. One of my favorites, at the moment, is 25 Bridge Myths. I like that one. I have always loved mythology but, sadly, this one is trying to teach me when to blow off rules and what the bridge teachers have tried to drum into my head and when not to. That is definitely a work in progress.

Husband/partner and I have decided that we get more bad scores defensively than offensively. Maybe that is because we are such offensive people. He is making his way through the first Kantar book while I am sampling the advanced one. He communicated something arcane to me about leading a 10 to show a higher honor. I, of course, immediately forgot it and heard about it from him when I didn't lead the suit, in which he had led the ten, back through declarer's hand. I thought the 10 showed attitude - i.e. he didn't like the suit. Back to the books.

So, if I read everything we have on bridge which would mean doing nothing else for about five years, and actually managed to retain the knowledge and THEN actually remember to use it during a game, maybe I can make my 50 percent per game goal. Probably not.

Pet Peeves

2011-06-24T21:29:00.000-05:00

I have been playing long enough now to have developed some decided likes and dislikes; most of them petty. I have been asking fellow players about their pet peeves but most of the answers I received are unprintable.

A list of mine and a few others follows:

1. Following someone who leaves the bidding box a total mess. These people hide the 4 heart card between the 1 club and 1 diamond card, bury the alert cards, leave the pass cards upside down and backwards and otherwise make bridge life miserable for the person behind them. Okay, maybe I'm a little obsessive compulsive. Okay, maybe a lot, but really, isn't bridge stressful enough without having to spend the whole round searching for the proper card? Really? How hard is it to put things back where they belong?

2. Then there are the guys who throw their bids, the dummy, and their cards as they play them on to the table. I don't mean just sort of toss them out there. I mean they throw their stuff around with great forcefulness. I was playing against a guy doing just that the other day so, I started pounding my cards down too. He didn't notice. Sigh.

3. There are people of both sexes (just so you don't think I'm just picking on guys) who, when they are about to take a trick, arc out the Ace or whatever card is a winner as if they were opening the envelope and taking out the name to present an academy award. Please; get over it. Just put your card down like you usually do. We don't need a trumpet fanfare or ruffles and flourishes just because you are winning the trick.

4. The worst of my peeves are the gloaters. I don't mind a "nicely played partner" - no problem. I do mind hearing that if only the opposition had played and/or held on to a card, the contract would have been set. I do mind the opponents saying, "Great board partner, they should have made 6". Please; I usually know when I have screwed up since I do it often enough. Saying stuff like that is just down and dirty rude.

5. Players who ask me, after the hand is over and put back in the board or worse, after we have played four boards, "How many clubs did you have on that first hand?" Like I remember? Are you kidding? I can barely remember the count during the hand much less three hands later.

6. Players who go into the tank on every bid. Why can't you think ahead? If my partner or the oppostion does this, I will do that. Admittedly, sometimes the hands are so odd and the bidding so mysterious, that a visit to the tank is needed but, really, 1 NT, tank; 1 heart 2 hearts, tank? There are a limited number of options. Pick one and get on with it.

7. Players who leave empty cups, food, wrappers, iced tea, used napkins or, worse yet, Kleenex around their recently vacated chair. They move on to the next table but their detritus remains behind as a not so fond memory of their presence. I have often heard from the club managers that bridge players are slobs. If I were a club manager I would say to the offender, "Your Mommy isn't around any more. Pick up after yourself". I guess I wouldn't have too many players at my club though.

Please add any of your fave peeves to the comments section. Thanks for reading. I feel better already!

How is Bridge Like Boxing?

2011-06-24T20:58:00.001-05:00

One of my major character flaws is that I like big time wrestling. Yes, yes, I know it's all an act but I used to enjoy boxing too. My Dad used to say, "Hey Jude, the fights are on" and we would settle in to listen to Rocky Marciano on the radio and later on T.V. Remember the show girl looking babes who, after the bell had done its clang, clang, clang thing and the boxers went to their corners, would stroll around the ring with large placards with the next round number on them? As I recall, these chicks balanced precariously on 6 inch stilletto heels and didn't have too much clothing to get in the way of showing off a whole lot of cleavage. They fascinated me. I figured that I would never look like them and I was correct. I haven't watched a boxing match in a while. I wonder if they still exist?

Club director, Jay, has a voice which, shall we say, carries well. To call each round, he says, "EVERYBODY MOVE FOR ROUND SIX; ROUND SIX!!!" For some reason, each time he does it I am reminded of the boxing announcers and I can see those strutting gals. I have proposed to some of my female partners that we get some posterboard, ink in some numbers, and when Jay calls the round, that we take the appropriate number and march around the club. Jay says we can do this only if we wear bikinis. None of my chicken female partners agreed even when I noted that all of us need the exercise. It was pointed out that the lack of exercise and eating too many club snacks is exactly why we shouldn't parade around scantily clad. Maybe so. Putting on a bathing suit to go out in the backyard is about my limit anyway.

The Harem

2011-06-12T13:04:00.001-05:00

Husband/partner and 92 year old Bill have in depth baseball conversations about the Phillies and the Braves. One day, as I was walking into the club and holding the door for Bill he said, "I have a question to ask you." I replied loud enough for everyone inside to hear since Bill is a little deaf, "If it's about the Phillies, I can't help you." Laughter from the audience inside. "No", he said, "it's not about the Phillies. I need a partner on Monday and wondered if you were free".

The rumor around the club is that Bill plays only with women partners. These women were named "The Harem" by friend/partner Rebecca who is a member. Rebecca has been spending a lot of time recently doing grandmother duty so, out of desperation I think, Bill asked if I were available to play. I, of course, jumped at the chance. Even a substitute harem gig is better than no harem gig at all.

During the first game, one of the opponents noticed the new harem member and said to Bill, "I hear you have only women bridge partners." Bill said, "That just isn't true". The opponent said, "Okay - what guys do you have as partners?" Bill thought for a moment and then said, "I like only to have nice people as partners". What an interesting statement on so many levels.

Our first game wasn't great - in the 40s somewhere; very unlike Bill's usual 62 percent or so. The second time we played, he gave me a talk before the start of the game. He said, "I expect to score above 60 percent. I will accept in the 50s as an okay day. Any score in the 40s is a practice session." We had another practice session. Oh well. He said he will be free again sometime in July so, the sixties remain a hope.

Meanwhile, the very computer savvy Bill had written up all his helpful hints from his years of playing into a Word file. He printed it and gave me a folder full of golden wisdom. He is my shining example of everything a bridge player should be. I was and am honored to be a part of Bill's harem.

Watch Your Phraseology!

2011-05-28T16:56:00.000-05:00

The title is a line from the MUSIC MAN spoken by the mayor's wife to any kid who said, "darn" or "gee whiz" or whatever passed for kid curses back then. I want to yell it at sportscasters and athletes who, on a regular basis, massacre my generation's English language. I know that language evolves. Otherwise the conversation at the bridge table might go something like this:

"Partner, thou dost not have any hearts?" or "I goeth forth with the knave of spades". No, I'm not that olde that I want to go back to Shakespearean English.

However, when did the word disrespect become a verb? My son tells me it is listed as such in the dictionary. I object, but, sadly, no one asked me. Worse yet is the prefix "dis" which also seems to have become a verb somewhere along the line when I was off the track and not looking.

My all time favorite word destruction is by our own Sean Elliott, now Spurs sportscaster. If the Spurs are rolling, he says they are on a "Joggernaut". Is that an astronaut out for a jog in space? I think he means "juggernaut" as in rolling over the opposition. I don't have many jogger or juggernauts in my bridge game but I continue to hope for the future.

Sean also says, "The Spurs need to 'score the ball'." What the heck else would they score? Does he mean take a knife and carve it up? If we need to "score the cards" should we think about shredding the deck? I think about that a lot after going down in no trump while the field makes three.

I'm delighted that most bridge players are my age and their English usage is akin to mine. In what other sport can you hear the word "penultimate" as often as in bridge tournaments? It's a great word. You never hear a sportscaster say "We are in the penultimate quarter". Nope. Maybe I should watch less sports. It would help my blood pressure if I just watched with the mute button on. Maybe I should play more bridge instead. I don't see how that would help the blood pressure issue though.

Until next time folks, watch that phraseology!

Toes

2011-04-16T09:31:00.003-05:00

Husband/partner and I have been married for almost 23 years. Strange things happen after that amount of time. I am on some strong cardiac medicines which have many side effects; one of which is sleep disturbance. I was awakened at 5 AM this morning extremely painful toes on my left foot. I thought I had bumped them yesterday while working barefoot in the back yard. The longer I laid in bed, the worse the pain became so I got up to examine toes. They looked like my usual toes. As I stayed up for a while, the pain gradually disappeared and I went back to bed and, thankfully, to sleep.

When I finally groggily got up, husband/partner was clanking around the bedroom. I said, "Boy, do I have some weirdness to tell you about". He interrupted (he always interrupts me) and said, "You know, the other night at dinner I wanted to tell this story and I didn't get a chance." The dinner was with 2 other retired nurses (friend/partner Paula, friend/partner Jay, and his mother) and we were trading medical horror stories. Husband/partner proceeded to tell me this story:

"One day, I was making rounds with the residents and attending physicians. We walked into a lady's room and asked her how she was doing. She said, "I only have nine toes". Sure enough, the medical student determined that she was correct. She said, "I had ten yesterday". Further questioning brought out the fact that said toe had been gangrenous black for a month and the lady was a diabetic. It was presumed that the toe had died and fallen off somewhere."

It's called synchronicity when something so bizarre happens. I said to husband/partner, "How did you know my weirdness was about my toes?" He replied, "What are you talking about?" So, my weirdness with my toes just became even stranger yet.

What I want to know is, if he can subconsciously figure out that I had a toe problem during the night, why the heck can't he figure out what I'm bidding??

PREDICTABILITY

2011-04-15T20:30:00.001-05:00

Husband/partner had a game with mysterioso Kim last Tuesday night and scored big - first overall with a 60 plus percentage. Prior to the first hand, Kim provided a quick explanation of his unusual approach to the game which husband/partner absorbed and, obviously, carried out well. After the game, he said to Kim, "I'll put our card into the computer program and print one out for you in case we play again". Kim said, "Don't bother. We will be doing something different next time."

Kim has told me in the past that I am too predictable. I believe the advice went something like this: "Psych or something once in a while - it would be good for you". My approach to the game has always been that sound bidding keeps partner from guessing what you might have and also, keeps partners. I don't know how to psych anyway. I play different systems with different partners but nothing as different as what Kim plays. The conventional wisdom around the club is, ignore his bidding and bid your hand because you won't be able to figure out what he is doing even if you ask for an explanation. I have found this to be true.

My stability has always been my greatest asset. People have always said, "You have a good head on your shoulders." For most of my life, I would have traded that for a "You look gorgeous" but, sadly, I would know it to be a lie anyway so I take comfort in my apparent stability. Who knew it would become yet another bridge liability?

Kim wins way more games than I do. I need to think about this. I wonder if there is a program to teach psyching in bridge. Off to google.

The Other Side

2011-04-11T10:14:00.002-05:00

The good news is, your blogger made it through the procedure and out of the hospital, much to her surprise so, there is no bad news. My doctor wondered why I showed up if I thought I was going to expire on the table. The answer is, the same reason I play bridge; expect the worst, hope for the best, and be pleasantly surprised when things actually work out the way you want them to.

When I lay down a dummy with 5 points and 2 small trump, my partner, Paula, always says in a very delighted voice, "Thank you, partner, that's lovely". I call her Tigger, after the always happy hyperactive tiger in Winnie the Poo. I look at a dummy and, usually in no trump, wonder, sometimes aloud, how in the world I am going to make it. Then, I roll 6. She calls me Eeyore, after the clinically depressed donkey friend of Winnie the bear.

Last week, my 99 year old (would have been 100 in July), mother in law, Reba Hoffman, died quietly in her bed. She said she didn't want to be 100 and has been asking for the past few years why she was still here on earth to which partner/husband and I had no real answer. We had to cancel some team games we had planned in the Kerrville sectional to take her back to Philadelphia to be buried next to her beloved husband. Again, the good wishes and support from everyone in the bridge community meant the world to both of us.

Thanks to all of you and we are so happy to be a part of this group.

Support Doubles

2011-03-17T19:43:00.001-05:00

Okay - all of you know that I don't really write about serious bridge stuff so you have probably guessed that the above title is a bit misleading. The support I'm talking about is the care and love from the people in the bridge community which is at least double what I expected. I am scheduled to have a small procedure on my heart next Monday. I haven't written much in a while because it has been weighing on me and I haven't felt particularly funny. However, my bridge friends and foes alike cheer me up no matter what. Friend/partner Rebecca always knows exactly when to listen and what to say to help me put things into perspective. Biig Al says I'm too mean to die. Dementor Robert wants to schedule a game so I have to survive. Feared player, Tom, who always gives me grief both verbally and in the game, was unexpectedly sympathetic until I told him they only made a contract because his partner played it. That was the end of the sympathy. We were both kidding around....... I think.

What I am driving at, in this oblique manner, is that I cherish the bridge community and I feel truly fortunate to be accepted as part of it. Do I like every person who plays? Of course not. I don't like some, like some, and love others. I have discovered that despite the likes/dislikes, bridge divorces, bridge wars etc., when one of us hits a bump on the daily trail, fellow bridge players rally round, if only to express concern and kindness. What defines a community more than that?

Word has spread through the regulars that I have this thing scheduled and, even players I don't know well, are wishing me the best and saying prayers for me. I'm not much of a prayer girl but as they said in WWII, there are no atheists in foxholes, and this is a big, giant foxhole so, all prayers are gratefully accepted. I'm not counting on the bridge goddess to get me into heaven; not even the novice section. I think I'll go look for those burnt offerings again; put up the hummingbird feeder and hope for the best.

Medically speaking, I am a double whammy - I am a nurse, married to a doctor - the worst of all possible scenarios for things to go wrong. However, we are both retired so maybe that will mitigate the problem. I won't even talk about my notoriously bad luck at just about everything. Falling back on the "due to" theory - as in - the Spurs are "due to" win against Dallas tomorrow, I'm due to have some good luck after the two month masterpoint drought.

Thanks to all for your good words and thoughts. See you on the other side of this thing.

END OF SLUMP? Maybe?

2011-02-24T16:13:00.001-06:00

A week ago yesterday, webmaster Steve and I came in first overall in C; respectable. That night, husband/partner Steve and I won first overall in the tough night game. I was hopeful but beginning to think that I could only score while playing with someone named Steve. However, friend/partner Paula and I went to the very fun Rockport, Texas sectional and scored respectably in the first pairs game. Since then, a few placings have started to trickle in. It's probably better not to talk about it.

In other news, I have developed a little scoring method to asses where the partnership is during a pairs game. I make a notation on my score sheet after each board, giving us a grade. A zero to the right on the score sheet is a bad board, a plus is a good board, and a dash is an average board. I learned to do this from Biig Al but with a difference. He always has us above 50 or 60 percent while I usually have us in the basement. Sadly, I'm usually right. However, my little scoring method has been remarkably accurate - I'm rarely off our one round to go score by more than 3 percentage points. It has given me something to do during the slump. Of course, travelers take all the fun out of it.

Feb. 28th coming up. Another milestone in the countdown to the end of days. I guess, if I am lucky, I will end them at a bridge table.

The SLUMP

2011-02-10T09:05:00.000-06:00

February is my birth month and when despicable, slumpy January finally ended, I celebrated, expecting the post life master slump to also end. Not so fast bridge newbie. February, so far, bridgewise, has been worse than last month. I have been trying very hard (and not very sucessfully they will tell you) to avoid whining to my partners. Husband/partner, to make matters worse, has been scoring every time he plays with anyone. It's one of my more difficult marital duties to continue to be happy for him when he does well.

Husband/partner handed me the Bridge Bulletin and said, "Here, read this". The editorial column was about being in the midst of a three month slump. THREE MONTHS!!!! Oh no!!!! I feel like an albatross around my partners' necks now; I can't imagine more months of this. The weird thing is, I don't feel as if I am playing badly. Yes, I still make my share of stupid mistakes but I feel that my current problem is more a bad luck, bad karma thing.

I've been getting advice from my great partners about what to do. Carol says, "Don't add anything new to your game." I haven't. Annie says, "Take some time off." No bridge from now until next Tuesday. Al and dementor Robert say, "You have to keep playing through it." I will decide on Feb. 28th whether or not I will give up the game. Phil says, "You need and attitude adjustment."

Re: the attitude thing: I approach each new day at the club like a puppy waking up in the morning to a whole new world. I always go to enjoy my time with my bridge friends, get more blog fodder, and look forward to playing my best game, hopefully with an intermittant reward at the end. Even going down 800 on the first hand doesn't do me in. "Oh well", I say to myself, "we have 23 more boards to get some tops to offset it". I learned this theory from Biig Al for whom it sometimes works. Lately, however, by the end of the round, I know it's been bad and I am stuck in my black cloud of doom and trying very hard not to whine or cry.

I'm relieved to have the next fews days as non playing days. I'll try to help an old lady across the street, stop to help accident victims on the highway, foil a robbery, or otherwise get some good karma stored up. I can't think of anything else to do. All suggestions are welcome. Push the comment button and help the author.

All Kinds

2011-01-27T07:39:00.002-06:00

The bridge world contains both the great and good and the bad and ugly just like the rest of life, I guess. Yesterday, I was in a doubled 4 heart contract. The last trick, which set the contract, was taken by left hand opponent. As she presented her good diamond with a flourish she said, "HAH! Got YA!" I said, "That isn't very nice". Her response was, "Oh don't get so upset; IT'S JUST A GAME"; my least favorite way to describe bridge. I asked her if she played rubber bridge since I had seen neither she nor her partner in the club before. Her partner (who seemed like a decent person) said "No" and gloating woman said "Yes - I play all card games". I said, "Well that figures. That's the kind of behavior you get in rubber games". Gloating woman became huffy and said, "I've been playing duplicate since before you were born". The answer to that, of course, is, "Gee, I thought you would have learned table manners in 66 years" but I didn't say it. Off she went to annoy the next opponents. Ick.

The Decision

2011-01-26T08:27:00.000-06:00

Biig Al and I played together last Monday. For most of the round, Al was perusing the menu from the new Chinese restaurant which had just opened next to the club. Between hands he would ask me if I wanted to try somthing like duck tongues with bitter melon. I eat about anything but this didn't sound all that appetizing at 10 in the morning. He was mesmerized by the menu and studying it the way I study Watson. I'd like to blame his distraction for our so-so game but it was probably my minus 1100 score which did us in. Bad sacrifice.

After the game, we decamped next door for late lunch/early dinner with Biig Al, Jay and Paula. The food is great, by the way, for you San Antonio readers. Most of the staff just got here from China and speak little English. This is a requirement for really good Chinese food. I brought up the renaming this blog issue. Biig Al asked, "Why do you want to rename it?". I said, "Well, now that I made life master, I can't really call myself a newbie any more." He growled, "Anybody that goes down 2400 is still a newbie." "It was 1100, Al!!!" He and Jay agreed that I'm still a newbie so, bowing to the masters, the title stays as is until I win the Bermuda Bowl.

Yet Another Bridge Cruise

2011-01-24T10:15:00.001-06:00

There are no bad bridge cruises. Okay, maybe if the ship was taken over by pirates or the Norovirus but, other than that, there is no downside to playing fave game on a big boat. John Sobol of Go Away Travel, as usual, worked his magic so that everything ran smoothly, or, if it didn't, the glips weren't visible to me. Darlene and Steve Shirey, the directors, were their usual warm, wonderful selves although I overheard Darlene, at one point, mumbling about making an "over the side" list. I hope I wasn't on it.

The pros, Eddie Wold and Bob Morris, brought along a contingent of very good players from Houston. We had planned the trip together with friend/partner Rebecca and her husband, Jerry. By the time of the cruise, about a dozen other San Antonio and New Braunfels (little town near San Antonio) players had joined us. The last pair to join the cruise, LaNelle and Betty Jo, strafed the field with the highest point total on the cruise. Take that Houston!

Eddie and Bob team taught and the lessons were pitched so that the newest player to the best club player, other than the AX types, could get something out of them. They were excellent. Partner/husband and I picked up some new toys which we put into use while on the cruise, including upside down signals. That will take a while to get right. We didn't tear it up but came away with a little partial point - pretty good for a cruise ship which, traditionally, is not a big point getter. At one point, we had a 37 percent game. Director Steve said, "What kind of score is that for a life master?" I said, "Our usual!" Part of the Post Life Master slump I explained. Darlene was kind enough to agree.

The following story puts bridge on a cruise ship into its proper perspective. Partner/husband opened a club. I bid a spade with 6 of them. Partner husband bid a one no trump. I rebid my spades. Partner/husband laid a 3 spade bid on the table, looked at it, and then said, "Wait a minute" and then picked it up, thought for a while and laid down 2 NT. I waited but the opponents quietly passed with no director call. Hmmm. I wanted to bid 3 spades but didn't feel that I could ethically do so. I bid my 4 card diamond suit. Partner/husband bid 3 NT. Normally, I would have pulled it to spades since entries to my hand were limited but, again, I couldn't take any inference from his misbid. He made 3 NT but it was low board to a nice 4 spade game. When I asked the opponents why they didn't call the director they said, "It's boat bridge - who cares?" How sane is that? I'm glad they got a good board out of it.

My Tuesday partner, Carol, and her roommate, Nell, had a contest to see who could lose more of their stuff on the boat. Nell won but Carol, sadly, lost her iphone. 79 year old Nell, on the other hand, got two temporary spider tattoos on her arm and rastafarian beads braided into her snow white hair to the absolute horror of similarly aged LaNelle, who kept telling her to take them out. Carol ordered wine at dinner and then, to the shocked embarrasment of the waiter, rooted around under her shirt to get her sea pass card out of her bra. I love those women and, I hope, as I age along with them that I'll remain as free spirted as they are.

The last cruise day, Saturday, traditionally is a Swiss Team event. We planned to play with friends Jerry and Rebecca, of course. Jerry has played rubber bridge for many years but is somewhat mystified by the intensity and bidding systems of duplicate. They offered to drop out and let us get better teammates. Not gonna happen! We won the first round, lost the second and for some reason, came up against one of the very good Houston teams in the third. To my profound shock, we beat them! We won 2 rounds and lost three but got Jerry up to about .8 toward his first masterpoint. Celebration.

The high point of my week occured when I decided to start a round at a table with Eddie Wold and a Houston player partner. I landed in a 3 NT contract, and made 4. I got a "nicely played" from Eddie. YOWZA!!!!

The week was a whole boatload of fun.

The Post LM Slump

2011-01-13T19:51:00.001-06:00

Everyone warned me about it but I thought - "no - it won't happen to me!" Hah. I haven't had a decent game since Reno. So, that's what being a life master is all about; more bad games than good just like before. No surprise there. Partner Carol called me to confirm our Tuesday game and I said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, you have a life master for a Tuesday partner. The bad news is, it's still me."

Jeri, who is in charge of the mentor/mentee program, waited a whole two days before asking if I would take a mentee. I don't feel that I know enough about bridge to help anyone with anything but she assured me that I would be fine. Sure, as long as the mentee knows nothing about the game, I'll be fine. So, I set up a game with the new mentee for the Monday night pro/am. She cancelled. I called Biig Al to see if he was available to play since husband/partner already had a play date. Biig Al said, " A MENTEE cancelled on YOU; a LIFE MASTER!!?? What is the bridge world coming to?" Biig Al can be amusing at times. This wasn't one. Okay, I laughed. We played; he made a stupid double where they made game counting on me to have 10 points for my pre emptive bid (I didn't) and I made some bonehead judgement errors so we didn't have our best game ever. I'm putting it down to the continuing PLM slump.

I have to do something to turn things around so I decided to ask you loyal readers what I should do about the blog name. I'm okay with it since, LM or no, I still FEEL like a bridge newbie but, what do you think? Should we get a new title? Beverly has suggested "Bridge Banter". I like the suggestion but I'm just not sure what to do about renaming the blog at this point. Let me know what you think. Push the comment button and write something. I'm tired of doing all the work.

Thanks!

Life Master At Last

2011-01-01T10:30:00.008-06:00

Happy New Year blog followers! Husband/partner and I made LM together, at the Reno Regional, with those awesome gold miners, Paula and Jay. It was an emotional week, with more ups and downs than a road over the devil's backbone. However, as our son opined, "It's nice to hear someone returned from Reno with a good result". I think he was worried that we were headed for the quickie divorce capital of the western world.

"So, how does it feel?" I always hate those stupid reporters who ask people how "it" feels - winning the superbowl, escaping from a burning building, getting the Pulitzer... come on - can't you guys think of anything else to ask? So, how does it feel to attain life master status after about three years of non stop bridge playing? For me, the operative feeling is relief! I have scaled the mountain and laid my heavy backpack at the top. Unfortunately, it's only the first peak. A whole range of mountains lay before me.

Director/friend/partner Jay says, "Now you can really start to learn the game." Paula Warren says, "You get your life master and you wake up the next morning the same shitty player you were the day before." Club owner/friend Marilyn says, "It's your entry card into the world of real bridge players". I'm sure they are all correct.

To me, it's the high school diploma of bridge; a certification of basic competency. That may be an overstatement in my case since I can still screw up a laydown 3 NT hand and often do. However, now I can take some days off from playing and not feel as if I am losing ground in the hunt for masterpoints.

I am still committed to the game; love it; and as friend/partner Rebecca often says, "I would rather be playing bridge than doing most other things". I couldn't agree more. I will continue taking classes and directed play with real bridge masters and do anything else I can do to help my game improve. What is the next peak to scale? Not bronze life master or any number of points; no; I just want to be a decent club player whom other people enjoy having as a partner. If other designations come with time, so be it, but I am no longer in the hunt for piles of MPs. Done with that - over an out.

How many bridge players does it take to birth a new life master? Here is a list:

Mentors:

Biig Al Lochli
Chief Dementor Robert Barber
Marilyn Arnold

Teachers:

John Beard
Laurie Levin
Diane Olson
Everette Lewis
Wayne Rauschuber
Director Tom Marsh
Mike Lawrence
Lisa and David Berkowitz
Ira Hessel
Greg Hinze
Terry and Carolyn Reily
Bill Walker

Partners:

Partner/Husband Stephen Hoffman
Rebecca Brown
Carol Campbell
Leslie Tramer
Fran Vanecko
Paula Wissman
Jay Thorne
Phil Brown
Phyllis Giffen
Andy Villastrigo
Lee Ann Tsai
Steve Simpson
Becky Lu Tanner
Delores Reilly
Maddie and Bob Kleinman
Barbara Morgan
Bill Moody
Chuck Abbott
Susan Hernandez
Kenyon Daniel
Ken and Sharon MacMorran

AND - everyone who ever gave me any advice about anything at a bridge table - yes - even including you Tom Trudeau!

I am beyond grateful to all of you. Thank You!!

Zero Tolerance

2010-12-19T17:24:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure exactly what constitutes an infraction of the zero tolerance rule. If the opponent is slamming cards down on the table, is red in the face and as soon as the hand is over, starts yelling at his partner, is that a violation? If it is and I call the director, what do I say? Opponent is being mean to his partner? In my book, it's his partner's fault for playing with the abuser at all.

One day, after the abuser had left the table and was out of earshot, I said to abuser's partner, "I can refer your partner to some anger management classes". The gentleman said, "He needs it." I left it at that but, wanted to add, "Why do you allow someone to treat you like that?"

Why do people? Call me. I'll be your partner. I will be nice to you no matter how lousy our game. Actually, the lousy game is often my fault anyway so, this is no problem.

Whatever Happened to Shaking Hands?

2010-11-18T19:27:00.007-06:00

On any given day men and women and women and women at the club are greeting each other with full body contact. Am I the only one who finds this beyond weird? Don't answer. Maybe it's a Texas thing. Maybe it's a southern thing. I know, for sure, it isn't a New York thing. Men don't do it to each other, so, if hugging is so great, why don't they? It's not as if the people being greeted are some long lost relatives. Most of the time they are the loyal opponents from the day before.

I don't like being hugged by people I don't know, don't care to know, aren't close friends, or whom I actively dislike. Therefore, I make it a blanket rule that I don't hug anyone and the actively disliked few are thereby hidden among the many. The Huggy Doodies don't understand this. I call them Huggy Doodies in fond memory of cute little Howdy. If you don't remember Howdy - google him and watch some old episodes. They don't make 'em like that any more. Howdy never hugged Buffalo Bob or Mr. Bluster, Clarabelle or Princess Summerfallwinterspring. So when did it become de rigueur to hug everyone upon meeting? Presumably sometime after 1952.

I do the stick my hand out thing as someone is coming in on a hug approach. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I have to duck or push away. Sometimes I have to say, "Don't ever touch me again". That always works. I often want to add "you slimeball" but I'm afraid that would result in another lecture from Director Tom about zero tolerance. I think there should be zero tolerance for hugging. I also think I would get outvoted by the Huggy Doodies. The bottom line for me is, don't touch me, don't touch my cards and we should get along fine. That isn't so hard, is it?

A Warning

2010-11-11T16:13:00.004-06:00

I walked into the Bridge Club of San Antonio for my usual Tuesday game with wonderful partner, Carol, and Director Tom was raking in the funds - oh - wait - I mean he was collecting playing fees. Yep - that was it. Anyway, in his best megaphone can be heard across the street voice, he said, "Judy! I read your blog and I have a warning to give you". Uh oh. I"ve been good. I haven't opened Flannery two diamonds without the requisite 11 to 15 points although I was sorely tempted one day with 16, but Tom was directing and I didn't dare. I was mentally reviewing what egregious thing I had documented here which violated some arcane ACBL rule but I was coming up short.

Finally, coming to the end of the line as I patiently waited my chastisement, Tom continued in the same voice (loud enough for everyone to enjoy the story). "I was playing a regional with a partner who removed everyone's cards from the board. This obviously annoyed one opponent but my partner continued to do it. Finally, the opponent with red face, grimace, and muscles tensed said, "I CAN REMOVE MY OWN CARDS FROM THE BOARD. DON'T TOUCH THEM!"

I said, "Oh great, it's not just me then". Tom then ended the story with the tag line; "Yeah, and the guy died two weeks later so watch out!" At that time, David the card pullerouter walked by and I said, "David, I have to rethink this again." He knew I didn't mean it.

Bridge Fun

2010-11-05T07:11:00.010-05:00

The following is slightly raunchy so, if you are an easily offended type, don't read it.

There are three or four men (always men do this; no women) who pull everyone's hand out from the board to be played. This always annoyed me and I can't really tell you why. I suspect it's my grandfather, the killer diller poker player of the Hastings on Hudson Protection Engine Company Volunteer Fire Dept. game, who says in my head "Jude! Don't ever let anyone touch your cards".

I have retrained three of the offenders to leave my hand alone. The other is Director Everette and, as far as I am concerned, he can do anything he wants with my cards any time. Yesterday, partner/director/friend Paula and I were playing against one of the men who went ahead and pulled my hand from the board. I gave him the Ms. Judith look and he said, "Oh shoot, Judy, I forgot". I humphed a little just so he wouldn't forget next time. It was a beautiful hand, 14 points and a great major. Partner and I rolled a game easily.

I said to the offender, "Gee David, maybe I need to rethink this card pulling thing". Next board, he left my hand in its pocket and I pulled out a stinker with two jacks. On the third board, David pulled out all hands but mine and I looked at him and said, "Okay David - pull it out". Not missing a beat, he said, "That's the first time a woman has ever asked me to pull it out". I said, "That's the biggest lie I've ever heard". David was gasping for air between gales of laughter and the rest of us were trying unsuccessfully to keep the noise down but didn't succeed too well.

Actually, people said it was nice to hear other players having fun rather than carping at each other. It was a total bridge disaster of a day, but, as always when Paula is my partner, we have a great time and laugh a lot. That is the way it should be.

Inexplicable

2010-11-05T06:54:00.000-05:00

I am usually not much of an optimist about human nature in general, BUT, I can't even imagine that someone would get out of bed in the morning and head off for the bridge club thinking to themselves, "Today, I am going to drop a big blob of misery into one of my fellow bridge players' life". Maybe some people do and this is the only explanation for the behavior I see or, perhaps, I'm just not smart enough to figure out the real reason this stuff happens.

Partner/husband and I were defending a hand when the declarer called for the good King of Clubs from the board. He pulled the five of hearts, a trump, out of his hand, exposed it, and the card hit the table but did not detach from his hand. He then said, "Oh, I didn't mean to do that" and put the card back into his hand. I pointed out that the card had been played and he said, "No, it never touched the table" (like that matters). I called the director. The gentleman proceeded to explain his version that the card hadn't touched the table and, as I was about to disagree with that, he looked at me and said, "Well, maybe it did but it never left my hand". The director ruled that the card had been played.

The gentleman (and I use the term only in the polite sense since he is clearly not) then growled in my direction, "You must really need masterpoints". I replied, "Sir, you either play the game by the rules or you don't play". He then regrowled, "Yep, you need those points; I can smell it". My hand shot up and I called the director back to the table. I asked her to tell the man to stop bothering me. She directed him to cease all conversation with me. He replied, "Don't worry about it. I don't want to talk to HER".

This is one of the reasons I wouldn't make a good director. I would have fined the SOB 3 matchpoints just for that.

Later, I overheard him discussing the incident with his partner. He asked partner if he had seen the exposed card and partner said that he had. The player then said, "Well, I guess I didn't have a leg to stand on, did I" and his partner agreed that he hadn't. Do you think grumpy old man wandered my way at any time that day and offered an apology? Nope. What I really don't understand is why people partner with someone who is so obviously obnoxious. If all of us refused to play with people who violate zero tolerance, wouldn't the bridge world be a nice place to live?

Smooth Operators

2010-10-28T11:31:00.002-05:00

For the second time ever, I was pleased to play with teacher/director Everette last Tuesday. My partner unexpectedly cancelled and he was nice enough to become a playing director. I have described being Everette's partner as akin to driving a really, really expensive Italian sports car like a Mazzarrati; one of the way cool, low slung, purring pieces of machinery that you hardly have to steer. It just sails along without a lot of guidance or pings in the engine. We did better the first time we played as partners than we did this week, but the ride, for me, was just as smooth. For Everette, probably not so much, as I made two bonehead, stupid sacrifice bids on the first two hands. When I managed to restrain myself and set the opposition instead, he agreed that I was indeed trainable. It was a really, really nice day.

Oh Well

2010-10-05T15:55:00.000-05:00

After the previously blogged about spectacular week, things came to a screeching halt at the National Open Pairs qualification round last Sat. After a dismal 38 percent game in the morning with husband/partner, qualifying was but a distant dream. I had a bad week last week with all partners and felt the cross hairs of the bridge goddess's wrath aimed squarely at my back as the obvious problem. Not enough incense AND the hummers have migrated on. I need a new omen.

The good news is partner/husband and I have passed the 280 mark. Better news is that friends Jay and Paula agreed to go to Reno over Christmas week. On Christmas day, instead of opening presents and eating roast beef like normal Americans, all four of us will board a SW airlines plane and have peanuts for Christmas dinner. We will attempt to get our last 5 gold points in the KOs that week and, whether we do or not, we will reboard the same SW airlines jet on New Year's Eve to come home. I think I can scrape up a bottle of champagne when we get home to share with Jay and Paula - win or lose!

Onward.

Omens Never Lie

2010-09-16T15:16:00.001-05:00

They just take a while to work. For the first time ever, I have been running out of hummingbird food because so many of the little beauties have been swarming the patio feeder flashing their gorgeous red throats. In addition, it did rain a lot and guess what? Points are rolling in. Friend Fran and I posted a 67.78 percent game today for first overall and last Tuesday friend Leslie and I posted a 62.2 tying for first overall with big guns, club owner Marilyn and hear much feared partner, Bill. Last Monday night, great players Terry and Carolyn decided to take us under their wings and straighten out some stuff in our game. The women placed first with the men second. Terry wants a rematch. Husband/partner and I are so grateful to all who help us. I am very afraid to think that I am actually improving for fear that the bridge goddess will whack me a good one. I will keep those burnt offerings going as suggested by club manager/friend Paula. Actually, Paula likes the "due to" theory better. In case she is wrong, where did I put those matches and incense?

Rain but not Points

2010-09-08T20:20:00.000-05:00

6 + inches yesterday and about 5 more today. However, no points for me today. I'll have to find a new theory. Maybe I will resurrect the fave family sports theory - "due to win". It drives son, Alex, nuts and he, in an very exasperated manner, not too patiently explains the statistical probability of winning, (usually the Phillies or the Girls (Cowboys) are under discussion), remains the same at the start of each game no matter the record. . A string of losses, in other words, doesn't change the probability. I don't like his explanation. It seems much more logical to me that after a bunch of losses, one (read here me and not the Phillies or the Girls), should be "due to" win. I'm ready. Bring on the New Braunfels sectional this weekend. I'm due for cascades of silver.

Richardson Regional

2010-09-08T09:43:00.006-05:00

In our continuing quest for gold, we talked friend/partners Jay and Paula into coming up to Richardson (near Dallas) to play knockouts with us. We shared much fun, laughter and food and won about 3 gold for which we are most grateful. Paula and I played together and, one afternoon, two nice ladies sat down at our table for the usual 12/12 boards and introduced themselves as June and Bonnie. Bonnie was a no nonsense looking woman with a nice thick cane which, I thought, could do some damage if I acted up. June was a willowy lovely woman with feather cut white hair and gorgeous jewelry. After the first hand, when June put her hand down as dummy, Bonnie said, "Ah've seen better hands on a washerwoman"! Uh oh. Paula and I started laughing which is bad because it usually just escalates. Sure enough, a few hands later, Bonnie said to June, "Yer ahs (eyes) look like two frahd eggs in a SLOP BUCKET! Go get yerself some coffee!" Well that was it, I was laughing with tears running down my cheeks. Husband/partner said he heard me from 3 tables down and thought I had badly screwed up a hand. Nice.

Bonnie said to me, "What are y'all laughing at? Haven't yew ever seen frahd eggs in a slop bucket?" When I admitted that I had never seen a slop bucket in my life she said, "Whar y'all from anyway - I thought you said San Antonio? That's how we talk here in Texas". I think I lost some credibility there. So, we finished our twelve boards and chatted while we waited for 10 minutes, as usual, for Jay and husband/partner to get done. Director Guillermo wandered by and I asked if he would go give them a kick in the rear. I added, "or this nice lady probably has a cattle prod you can use". Bonnie said, "Ah DO!" I was afraid that cane would do some prodding on it's own if they took much longer.

Richardson is a great regional; one of the best we have attended. The hotel was really, really nice. The manager met us at the door and was around the lobby every day talking to guests and watching staff. Hands on management is rare these days and I was impressed with the clean, well run hotel Renaissance. The free food after the night game was really good and the coffee was sometimes free in the afternoon. There were plenty of directors and none of them were crabby. Even when I doubled husband/partner's bid and director Kevin showed up to adjudicate, he simply said, "I've seen him play - I'd probably double him too". Kevin usually directs in Austin and has helped us several times with great advice over the past couple of years. I was embarrassed, though, to do such a stupid rookie thing.

My sister in law, Paula, wrote today and said, "well, you said in your blog you wanted rain!" and we had a tropical storm blow through yesterday, 7 inches in the back yard. I hope the points pour down with friend/partner/new life master Rebecca today or I will have to throw out my beloved omen theory. I hope I will be joining Rebecca in the near future - about 30 points total to go with 5 of them gold. It seems doable. Ha.

A Dribble

2010-08-27T16:20:00.000-05:00

The hummer omens didn't lie - a respectable .60 today - a crack in the dam. We are off to the Richardson Regional on Monday and our partner/friends Jay and Paula will join us there for some KOs in the continuing hunt for gold. Thanks to Paula for the nice game today. Now, if it would only rain!

The Plateau

2010-08-26T18:47:00.000-05:00

Great player (and newest Grand Master - kudos!), Greg, says that all players, old and new, bad and good go through a series of steps up and then have to walk miles across a flat plateau before finding another step up. After rolling along through 2010 with an average of about 10 points a month, August, so far, has brought almost 1 whole MP. I'm trying not to whine too much at the club so I decided to whine to the blog and spare my playing friends and partners. Husband/partner is whining louder, although he is now 3 points or so ahead me and, I don't think, has any reason to complain. We have played with a number of different partners and together but with less than stellar results. I feel like those commercials that have the big, giant arrows with flashing neon lights, and the arrows are pointing directly at me "THE PROBLEM".

Husband/partner and I decided to play 2 over 1 to jump start our game and it seemed to work for a while. However, when the rain stopped here in San Antonio, our points became as drought ridden as our grass. However, here is the good news folks. I have always been a big believer in omens. Latin scholars (4 years in high school qualifies in my book) are big on omens.

All summer and for the past 4 summers since I started putting up hummingbird feeders, we have had one little brown hummer who comes to the feeder every year and fights off any other hummer which dares to get near his food source. Our friends and neighbors have tons of hummers at their feeders but not us. Here is my omen. Ready? We looked at the patio feeder after dinner and there were hummers swarming the thing. One was a ruby throat in full, red throated, glorious color. The others were the usual black chins but also starting to get their mating colors with the purple collar band. There were 6 of them or so doing acrobatics, running each other off the food source, sucking at the flowers, and otherwise doing the things that make them so much fun to watch.

So, this is the first swarm of probably migrating hummers we have ever seen in our yard. Maybe a swarm of masterpoints will follow tomorrow when I play with my friend and new director Paula. Stay tuned.

Apology

2010-08-04T10:12:00.000-05:00

A nice aplogy has been accepted from the person who, in the heat of the moment, did not chose her words wisely. End of story.

New Orleans National

2010-08-01T13:51:00.002-05:00

Hot, dirty, smelly and loud. That's about it for New Orleans. Oh yeah - and great food! It was not my fave National though. We were playing pairs and the women near the door all jumped up and started screaming. The men, of course, laughed. One 80ish guy got up with a large, heavy cane and started to head over there - theoretically to crush the poor little mouse which had been running around for three days. Some smart dude opened the door and it ran away into the hallway. It was difficult, in most matches, particularly consolation KOs to find a direcctor. The conference rooms were jammed with KOs and pairs in the same room which upped the noise level considerably when one of them ended while the other was still going.

Still, we did manage to scratch out 2.5 gold from a consolation KO as well as a bunch of red, doing well in two pairs game, much to our surprise. Best of all, we learned new stuff. We met pro teacher, Lisa Berkowitz, in the bar and, after treating her to a glass of chardonney, she told us what to do over 2 club opener interference. We had not encountered that before and we were stymied in our bidding, ending up in a really bad contract of 6 hearts, down 2. Now, we will know what to do next time, not that we won't end up down anyway but we thank her for her kind advice and patience. She really is a gifted teacher.

Club owner, Marilyn, and her partner, Jerry, explained how we could have used a maximal double to get to a game we missed. Great info!! We thank them and friend/partner, Rebecca, for our two and half gold. We feel that we should have done better, but are grateful for what we have. It gives us more opportunity to continue to travel to regionals and nationals for a while.

Biig Al and dementor Robert played a couple of KOs with us but we were KOed. However, Biig Al won BIIG at the casino and took us out for a great dinner. We finally walked to the river on the morning we were leaving and scarfed down some beignets. Diet starts Monday ........ again.

Most interesting sight in New Orleans: a gorgeous girl in leather mini and boots with legs starting at her neck and which were covered in fish net hose, on the arm of not one but two older gentlemen. Think she's a bridge pro or really a guy? We had fun.

New Orleans

2010-07-23T08:01:00.000-05:00

July in New Orleans? Are we totally nuts? Not only that, a low pressure system is headed toward the Big Easy on Sunday, the day we fly in. Yesterday, Craig the Magic Hair Dude (magic because he makes my hair look great for about an hour until I mess it up) asked me why we were going to New Orleans. When I told him, he asked me what I get if we win. I said, "Gold Points". He said, "Oh great - how much do you get for them when you turn them in?" If only. When I explained it was a title/standing/ego driven thing he was beyond perplexed as any lover of Vegas would be.

With any luck, we will be intrepidly boarding a Southwest flight on Sunday with friend Rebecca. Bring on Tropical Storm Bonnie! I hope the Marriott's windows don't blow out in the middle of my 7NT hand.

Thick Skin

2010-07-21T18:50:00.005-05:00

You have to have the impervious hide of a rhino to play successful bridge. The opponents will do anything to get under your skin and throw off your game. Little do they know that I can throw off my own game without their help.

My partner, today, friend Rebecca bid 2 diamonds. I left her there and she made four. At the end of play, I said, "making four" and heard 3 agreements from the others. We folded up the hand, returned it to the board and I was sorting the next hand when left hand opponent said, "Wait a minute, making four? She only made three." Her partner said, "I had four". I said, "I was certain I was correct in my call that she made four". The director was called. Left hand opponent then tried to explain to the director what tricks she had taken during the play. I disputed that she had taken a second club trick. At that point she said to the director, "Well, if they are going to be dishonest about it!"

Now, you can question my bridge playing ability (I often do), you can question why I continue to play the game, and you can question my choice of partners/friends or personality but you can NOT question my honesty. I told left hand opponent that I was offended by her remark. The director mostly unsuccessfully tried to quiet me down and ruled in our favor since the hand had been returned to the board and even left hand opponent's own partner told her it was too late to challenge.

I was still steamed and later told her that she owed me an apology, explaining that we can get things wrong and disagree but that in no way means that we are trying to be dishonest about what happened. I told her that I would never think she was being dishonest if we disagreed about tricks taken. She turned her back without speaking and left my detested presence.

This may be the end. I said my piece. I let my feelings be known to the offender. If she is such a small person that she can not see how she offended nor that she owes the partnership an apology, then it is probably futile to try to make her understand normal social mores much less appropriate table behavior. I have a fairly thick skin but she found the one microscopic pore which set me off. Congratulations.

Mining for Gold

2010-07-05T18:58:00.014-05:00

Two year ago, in the Austin regional, when we had two or three black points and not much in our bidding arsenal, we finally, on the last day of the event, made a partial red point. I remember going out into the hallway whooping it up that we had scored. Yesterday, we came back from the same event with 12.5 gold and 3 red. Progress do you think? Well maybe.

The weirdest thing that happened during a week of very weird stuff, was awaking Saturday morning to husband/partner wanting to talk about a dream he had during the night. I said, "I had a weird dream too - you go first." He started, "We were in a restaurant and I flicked at your gold earring and it fell on the floor. I spent hours crawling around under tables looking for it." My turn, "That's strange. I had a dream about my gold earrings too. I was visiting someone and took off the earrings to take a shower and couldn't find them when I dried off." I was of the opinion that someone was robbing our house and taking my jewelry while we were away. Husband/partner thought that the hours (not to mention dollars) we had spent the whole week looking for gold points was sublimated into our collective unconscious and symbolized by the gold earrings. I hate it when he is right. I guess we have been married way too long when we have similar dreams.

In other regional news, as I walked in one morning, I was greeted by great player Ira. He was standing by the door and he and his two buddies were laughing uproariously. I had the uncomfortable feeling that it was directed at me. It was. Ira said, "I was telling these guys about the "Judy boards" I played in San Diego to drop in the standings. As my friend Barbara the native Texan says: "DANG"!!!

We were in the worst pairs game ever (in our two year history). It wasn't just our score that was bad (it was) but the pairs wouldn't move. One of everyone's fave directors, Scott, was ready to tear his hair out. He got on the mike several times asking people to move along to no avail whatsoever. As our usual luck would have it, we were behind the slowest of the slow; two novices. Now, being one myself, I'm usually pretty patient with any novice but these guys had no clue. Director Scott reminded them that they needed to finish each board in about 7 minutes. One of them said, "Really? No one told us THAT!" Meanwhile they continued doing their nails instead of moving. Okay, that's a small exaggeration - very small. I don't really know what the heck they were doing. The next time Director Scott got on the mike he said, we are renaming this event the "Not so fast pairs". It should have been slower than slow pairs. He finally gave everyone an extra 10 or 15 minutes on the clock. They STILL didn't catch up. It was truly horrible. There were late play boards everywhere. I was feeling really sorry for Director Scott and told him I would bring a box of Valium to the next regional - for him - not the players. They don't need any further help slowing down.

Seen around the hotel.

Two women from my home club with a tray full of vodka martini shooters. We left the bar before we found out if they finished them.

The drama queen who sighed and shifted and in other ways gave signals to her partner that she was conflicted. She was not as young as she pretended to be and my partner was ready to slap her silly. If we had to play against her again, we asked the guys to switch with us. Luckily, we didn't.

A guy in the Swiss with a red, white and blue balloon thing on his head. Distracting the opponents?

The wife who was wretchedly horrible to her husband. We couldn't even feel too sorry for him because he brought it on himself by whining about what a bad player he was compared to her. Her reponse was, "Oh STOP it!" and then complaining about his bidding on the next hand. We had to play eight hands against them in the Swiss but it was worth it since we blitzed them and scored all 30 victory points. Maybe he was secretly helping us. I wouldn't blame him.

So that's about it for the Austin regional this year. It's a great event, filled with friends and fun and great and not so great bridge like any other tournie. I did one great thing. The bidding went 1 spade by me and 4 spades by my partner. I went to 6 spades with a 2 suited black hand and two red singletons. It made and I felt, just for one short moment, like Ira. He says he would have made 7.

We really appreciate the four B players who helped us get to the semis in two KO rounds and get some gold. They are a great example of wonderful players who help us newbies along on our journey so thanks to my sometime partner, Paula, Steve's sometime partner, Jay, and Phil and Phyllis, friends from our club.

So now at least when people ask "How much gold do you need?" instead of hanging my head and saying "All of it", I can joyfully say "About 11". On to New Orleans. I'll keep you posted.

Terms NOT of Endearment

2010-05-20T16:16:00.001-05:00

After a nice game with an A player who has kindly consented to be your partner and you score a 59% game, you don't want to be asked:

"Isn't it great when you play up with those A players? They really carry you."

Your A player partner suggests that she is a little tired after the round. You don't want to hear from another (B by the way) player:

"Playing with these C players is exhausting, isn't it?"

Your husband/partner makes a really terrible bid and puts you in an unmakeable contract. You don't want to hear a lecture from the opposition toward husband/partner on how he should have bid.

I"m just sayin'!

Directionally Challenged

2010-05-19T10:05:00.001-05:00

Co North is what friend/partner Rebecca calls me when we play together. We are both somewhat controlling and both of us are happy when we are in charge of things. You would think that wouldn't make for a great partnership/friendship but it does. I don't like keeping score so, when we play together, Rebecca sits north. I flip boards while she is scoring, deliver boards to the next table and check pair numbers. It works for us and it started me thinking about where people usually sit.

West people are the types who say "Good try partner" when partner goes down 4 doubled and vulnerable. They never argue with a director's call, say thanks when they leave the table and are the models of the zero tolerance policy.

They mysterious easts, on the other hand, are inscrutable. They wear caps hiding faces which are expressionless. They never hitch when the opposition bids the suit in which they have six cards. They give away nothing and love trap passes.

Souths are as variable as southern weather; sometimes hot; sometimes windy. The ones who go on and on about the last hand leaving co norths to say "next board folks" sit south. Director calls and arguments come from the south like a low pressure system building up or the south may be clear and sunny. You just never know.

These, of course, are gross generalizations but the north in charge personality is a reality, at least in friend/partner Rebecca's case and in mine. GO co norths!

In other news, partner/husband and I made it over 200 points, grabbed all the silver we need in Austin last weekend and now are making a concerted effort to earn red and find a gold mine. Good luck with that, right?

Annoying Man

2010-04-23T09:19:00.001-05:00

We have a family joke about husband/partner who is a great talker and tends to go on about things such as asking the kids and me in several different ways what they are doing about something. We coined the term "annoying man" when he does this and son, Greg, made up an "annoying man" sign: i.e. thumbs together and forefingers touching above, making the letter A.

Last week, husband/partner was in his Chatty Kathy mode (CK for short) and was completely ignoring the fact that he was dealer. After I pointed this out to him and he kept talking, I showed the opponents the annoying man sign. The next day husband/partner, with one of his fave partners, Barney, sat down against the same opponents and made the mistake of opening a conversation. Opponent Carol immediately whipped out the annoying man sign.

I am thinking I need to feel more guilty and laugh less but maybe not.

Two Over One? Maybe!

2010-04-23T09:14:00.001-05:00

I read the Two over One book over the past few weeks and, today, I am going to try two over one and one no trump forcing when friend/partner, Rebecca, and I play. I told friend/partner Fran yesterday that I was ready to start using that system (having aced the end of chapter quizzes in the book which I know means nothing in real world play) and she promptly told me she wanted to use new minor forcing also. After a quick explanation, I said I would make every effort to remember it. Of course, I blew the system twice but Fran is nice and patient and said she will make more play dates with me for which I am always grateful. Only once did one no trump forcing come up and, of course, I failed to announce it having forgotten it completely. Oh well, try, try again today.

Rebecca invited me to join a small group of very good bridge players who, twice month, magically travel to bridgemaster Wayne's world for lessons. They had been together for quite some time prior to my joining and I am struggling to catch up. They are also way better than I am. Much of the material is so complex that I just can't process it, but, I'm thinking that if I just listen for a while, maybe it will start to make sense. To my great surprise, some of it is and on the last quiz I didn't get EVERYTHING wrong which was progress. Husband/partner is worried that the new stuff which I'm starting to learn will screw up our partnership. I keep assuring him that isn't possible but, actually, we have been doing much better together and planning some KOs in New Orleans to attempt to get some of that mythical gold.

I have somehow scrabbled my way up to 195 points. I never thought I would ever get even near 200 and life master, at the start, seemed an impossibility. If any newbies out there are still reading this sporadic blog, hang in there. As all of the great players and masters told us at the beginning, table time pays off as well as classes, reading tons of bridge books and Mike Lawrences's counting program. I only wish I had the time to start a new quilt project. Maybe next year.

Where have you been?

2010-04-05T09:52:00.001-05:00

That's the question recently from our usual opponents at the club. Husband/partner contracted a severe cold after we returned home from the germ factory; I mean cruise ship. The week after that, I got it. The week after that (bad timing), the renovation team started deconstructing husband/partner's circa 1970 odious green bathroom. So, that was 3 weeks of no bridge except for an occasional night game and the Austin sectional where, on Saturday, three of us were sleep deprived after reaching the finals of the Friday knockout and the fourth team member had previously mentioned bad cold. I was feeling guilty that we had given it to her. Anyway, mixed results in Austin.

Obviously, no bridge, no blog and I'm getting complaints. To sign off today, here are my newest bridge laws:

If you absolutely can't wait to take a bathroom break one moment longer, you have just played a slow pair and you are the dealer on the next board. It never fails.

If your partner bids a club and you have 6 points, the 2 and 3 of clubs, and no suit, and if you put on your big boy or girl panties and bid 1 NT, you get left there always.

If you think to yourself, "Wow, we seem to be having a good game today"; the next pair to play will be the AX Hessels and you go down in flames. The bridge goddess loves to take away all hope and any whiff of cockiness is grounds for zero boards as punishment.

My fave game tonight, the pro AM at Turtle Creek. Husband/partner and I are about 20 points away from not being AMs any more (200 is the cutoff for that game). I am playing with former dementor Robert and husband/partner with Biig Al. I may let you know how it goes but probably not.

David and Lisa

2010-03-08T09:01:00.000-06:00

"Pervert, Pervert, Pervert" yelled newest bridge hall of famer, David Berkowitz, who, at that moment, was standing behind husband/partner's chair looking at his hand and what he had bid. All heads turned toward our table and everyone started laughing. We were below decks on the Voyager of the Seas in a conference room taking a lesson from David and his wife, Lisa, both very fine teachers. Several days prior, David had stated emphatically that anyone who bid a five card suit twice was a pervert. This was the second time he had caught husband/partner doing just that. David picked up husband/partner's 2 diamond bid, put it back in the box and slapped down one no trump. He walked away shaking his head.

By far the coolest bridge classes are on cruise ships. No contest. Hands down winner. My cruise loving daughter thinks I'm nuts to go on a cruise and play bridge in a room below decks with no view of anything except fellow bridge nuts. What she doesn't get is that I'm almost beyond the point of zip lines although I might try the rock wall next time. I wonder if I can hold my cards with a cast on one arm?

Prior to the cruise, husband/partner and I had been having a bit of a point drought again. We were scoring points with other partners but not with each other. My theory is that we came along at the same rate, learned the same stuff, didn't learn the same stuff and therefore have the same weaknesses in our game. Playing with others who can offset those weaknesses allows us to score more frequently. It's only a theory.

I was anxious about playing together for a whole week and, sure enough, at the first round, we had a dismal 32%. We had played in the open pairs and after that performance, moved into the 299er group and started placing. Directors for the games were Steve and Darlene Shirey from Ft. Worth; wonderful, funny, warm people with great judgement and terrific interpersonal skills. Steve planned the last game of the trip so that each pair would play one round with either David or Lisa. He asked us to move to the open pairs so that the numbers would work out. I always do what directors' request and have found that I am usually rewarded. We had a 57.5% game and felt really great about that.

The next day, Saturday, Swiss teams were scheduled. We teamed up with fellow 199ers Jackie and Ben. Ben is in his 80s and a killer player with about 150 points but lots of rubber bridge years behind him. Jackie, an extremely bright woman, had a birthday while we were cruising but I'm not giving out her age. She had just topped out her masterpoints at 5 the week prior. She played well but Ben was patiently teaching her duplicate bidding throughout the week. Their obvious affection for each other was lovely. Husband/parnter and I made our way down to deck 2 having a conversation about limited expectations and that we had done so well already that today didn't matter - we just planned to have fun.

Director Steve had stratified the field to start but after that it was the usual Swiss pairing - winners vs winners etc. Our team won the first round easily. Then, we won the second round and again the third. This brought us up against the best team in the room; 2 guys from Iowa practicing for the GNTs and a 92 year old woman and her son who were straffing the open all week. We lost by only 13 which we explained to our partners was unbelieveably good. We placed 1st in C and B and second in A. Jackie and Ben want to meet us at some sectionals or regionals. Sounds great to us.

David and Lisa Berkowitz are wonderful instructors and have a great interaction and division of labor. David tells laugh out loud bridge stories and answers questions from the previous day's rounds about bidding or play of the hand. Lisa teaches theory in excellent small bites with great clarity. I still don't get the giving count lesson though but that is more my denseness than her teaching. That said, Lisa got the biggest laugh of the week from the class. She explained that bridge is a sport which takes repetition and practice. As an example, she said "I couldn't play a round of tennis with Martina Navritalova or go a round with Tiger Woods". Some wag said, "sure you could" and for the only time in the week, Lisa lost control of our raunchy class.

I want to put in a plug here for John Sobol of Go Away Travel. This is our second time to cruise with him and we signed up for next year's January cruise with Eddie Wold and Bob Morris. John does everything - plays with people needing partners to fill out a round, makes boards, talks to ship staff to get video and snacks in place and a multitude of other things I am sure are invisible to me. He is a neato guy and runs his business hands on.

It's good to be home and I'm looking forward to playing again at our clubs. Maybe our newly reinvigorated partnership skills will continue. Remembering Director Tom's sine wave theory though, I'll wait and see.

Anger Management

2010-02-05T10:56:00.001-06:00

I'm working on it with more or less success depending on what happens. A few days ago, I blew an easy slam where I should have known to ask for aces but signed off in game instead. Later in the match, partner/husband made a mistake which even rookies don't make. Instead of making a nice 3NT game as everyone else did, we were down one in a bad contract. I was pretty angry and got up and left the table to graze the snack counter; snacking always curing all bridge evils. The opponent, Roger, wandered up and I asked him what he thought would happen if I shot partner/husband. He said, "you would get off". Okay, I laughed and partner/husband lived to play another day.

Maybe I'll start a support group for angry bridge players or maybe I'll hire Roger as my anger diffuser. The worst part of it was, having blown the slam earlier, I had lost my right to whine at partner/husband. Good thing.

Husband/Partner's Bad Day

2010-01-22T20:43:00.002-06:00

Husband/Partner has stolen Dementor Robert away from me. They play together on occasion when I am otherwise occupied with other partners. They had a bad day today with one shining bright spot. Robert opened 2 clubs. Partner/Husband had 2 jacks and a queen and, following their system, bid 2 hearts showing no ace or king. The 2 hearts was doubled, presumably a lead directing double, and Robert passed. Husband/partner didn't see the double card and passed. He was in 2 Hearts with 2 Hearts in his hand and 2 in dummy. He made the contract. He tried to tell me how he did it. Something about running the Ace, King, Queen in 2 other suits which happened to split well and then trumping something with the 2 in his hand and the ace on the board bringing in the eighth trick. The traveler showed all other pairs in 3 NT going down one.

After hearing that story, I truly believe that in this game ANYTHING at all is possible.

The Language of Bridge

2010-01-22T20:37:00.001-06:00

It's NOT what you are thinking out there. I don't mean the four letter words I occasionally use going down yet again in no trump. Nope. I'm thinking about our secret code, i.e. the bidding systems. We have a friend who does not understand our bridge obsession. Actually, most of our friends can't understand it but this one friend has a question which has been on my mind for a while since he posed it. The question went something like this:

"If you guys have to tell the opponents what your bid means, why doesn't everyone just save time and say, 'I have two spades'; 'I have three diamonds''; 'I think we have slam here, partner, how many aces do you have?" His theory is that would be way easier, clearer, and really the same as what is curently done with bids.

Sadly, I had no answer and he concluded the remark with a superior look on his face and segued off to annoy his other friend, the Cowboys fan, about how bad the team looked this year. He enjoys annoying people. I can't figure out why I like him so much. Maybe it's because he is my cardiologist and keeps me alive to play another day.

But, really, why do we have this complicated coded way to tell each other more or less what is in our hands? Aha you say, because the game wouldn't be as interesting without the bidding. Well, that is certainly true given the messes some pairs get into with different systems or even simple systems. Those do provide entertainment and good boards for the opponents when there is a partnership misunderstanding.

The experts say that half of being a good player is defense. I would posit that the other half is figuring out what the heck partner is trying to tell you. Actually, counting out the hand and taking the finesse for the missing Queen of Clubs (why the Queen of Clubs is so often the critical missing card is another question I can't answer) is no challenge compared to decoding partner's bids.

Like any other group, medical people, legal people, advertising people, or media people, we bridge players have our own arcane little way of communicating or "language" which is undecipherable to outsiders. Although, at times, we may even be inscrutable to each other, the bridge vocabulary separates us out and makes us a unique group. I like that. I think that is part of the charm of the game and enhances our sense of community. Can I explain that to any non duplicate player so that it sounds sensible? Probably not.

Stylin'

2010-01-09T07:49:00.004-06:00

For all of you oldie readers (like me) who may not know the meaning of that new verb "stylin", here it is from the online urban dictionary:

1. (sti-lin) slang. meaning looking good or in fashion.

2. (stiii-lin) slang. to lie, con, bluff, play or simply get-over on someone.

Hmm. I know a lot of bridge players who lie, con, bluff and many who need to get over themselves but some are definitely lookin' good while playin' the game....... i.e. STYLIN' bridge.

I admire the women who sit in erect posture, beautifully manicured and beringged hands holding fanned cards the correct distance away for optimum viewing through whatever bifocal strength is being worn. However, the ones who are graceful as ballet dancers in depositing the card on to the table top, amaze me. You have noticed the ones with the slightly curved arm movement ending in a graceful flip as the card hits the table. If I tried to do that, opponents would think I was having an arm seizure and tell my neurologist husband/partner to put me on some medication.

Not so admirable are the players who toss the dummy in the general direction of the table, leaving the cards piled up, laying sideways, or in total disarray. Being sort of a neat freak, when I first began to play, I would reach over to the opponents' dummies and straighten out whatever suit I was interested in actually seeing. I was admonished in no uncertain terms that I was NEVER to touch someone else's dummy so now I politely ask the dummy depositor (read this any way you want to) to please arrange the cards so that we all might know what is there.

I have a very wonderful occasional partner whose style is what I call, subrosa. She holds her hand below the table top. Whatever card appears from down below seems more of a surprise than cards coming from above.

Then there is husband/partner whose method is to try to obscure in any way possible whatever card is coming out of his hand. I think, this method is designed to avoid anyone noticing his revokes. The opponents and I have to ask him to please lay his card on the table rather than holding on to it so that we all can share in his joy of trumping an ace (fat chance). It's stylin' but annoyingly so.

I'm not even getting into the card snapping issue here. That isn't a style. It's just obnoxious.

Postures at the table vary greatly. There are the slouchers who always seem to be trying to show that they are so far above any other player that the current oppostition bores them. They give the impression that are barely paying attention and they don't need to. I like whacking those guys on a board or two.

One of my favorites to watch play is dementor Robert. When I lay down a dummy for him, he puts his hand down, folds his arms and leans half way across the table to stare at the dummy for a while before starting play. I never know if he can't believe what he is seeing because my bidding was so inscrutable or what? He says he is making a plan. Okay. We'll go with that. I like his style.

Of course, everyone has seen the pissed off partner who slams her cards on the table, throws them at the table, or slides them across the table in disgust. This is usually leading up to or after a partnership disagreement and we can't wait to leave those tables. I usually mumble a thank you and try to unobtrusively slide out of my chair while they go at it. Bad stylin'.

My least favorite style is the players who agonize over whether to play a 2 or 3 on my Ace. Please. Get on with it. Along the same lines, several players stand the card to be played on end, let it sit there for some seconds, and then ever so slowly, let it drop. I play my hand at a fairly quick pace and I know of one player who uses this method I think to try to get me off my game. It usually works. When the hand is played that slowly, I sometimes have trouble remembering the count.

Keep on keeping on all you stylin' bridge players. I hope to play long enough to develop a style of my own.

2009 Awards

2009-12-26T11:54:00.005-06:00

Happy New Year readers. Since partner/husband is ending the year 1.5 ahead in the Ace of Clubs race, for which I sincerely and heartily congratulate him, I decided to give out awards in lieu of receiving any.

Best Suggestions for my Blog:     Webmaster Steve who suggested this awards installment.

Most Mysterious Bidding System:     Biig Al and dementor Robert's Italian blue team method which has everyone in the club, sometimes including Biig Al and Robert, confused.

Most Mysterious Bidder:     Great player Kim who passes with 18 points in his hand and then sets the opponent doubled and vulnerable for a top board.

Best Food:     Biig Al's Monday salmon with his homemade sauce.

Worst Food:   Doesn't exist - I can't award this one since I eat anything and usually enjoy whatever it is. New Year's resolution - more exercise - less cookies at the club.

Worst Game:    Any free game with food provided where every bridge player in town shows up, the club is packed wall to wall with people, the AC can't keep up, and I get claustrophobic.

Best Game:     The newly started Pro/Am game on Monday night at Turtle Creek. I like this one best since dementor and I beat the team of husband/partner and Biig Al the other night.

Best Newbies:   The partnership of Ann and Dee who rolled in 20 plus gold and a bunch of red at their first National.

Worst Dressed:     The guy at Nationals with neon green shirt, bright, shiney glowing blue shorts, black socks and shoes. He was obviously, trying to distract the opponents with the getup. No one's taste is that bad.

Best Dressed:     The woman kibbitzer with a couple of Polish guys at an Austin Regional. She wore a miniskirt, a sheer low cut blouse and had legs that went up to her neck crossed in front of her for maximum view of the parts.  Partner/husband and I got three bad boards. I'm not saying why.

Best Sense of Humor:    Expert Player Terry hands down on this one. He says five words or so and cracks me up with his terse, dry wit.

Most Easily Heard Director:   Tie between Director Tom and Biig Al. Neither needs a mike or silence in the room to be understood. Both can be easily heard when exasperated while adjudicating at another table.

Best Sentence Overheard from a Director at Another Table (not saying who):   "Let me say this again as SLOWLY as I can so that you can understand it". That was a frustrated tired director but I fell off my chair laughing.

Best Director Story: At Nationals, partner/husband was chatting with a director and asked him what is his biggest problem in directing at these huge events. Director replied, "You won't believe it. People come up to me and say, 'I can't find my partner'. I ask what partner's name is and they say 'Debby'." I always thought it took some smarts to play this game but apparently not. We should have done way better out there in San Diego.

Most Intrepid:     Tie between two very brave, resilient women, Judy and Rosalie who both made it back to play after serious health issues.

Best Song:   Director Tom who was heard wandering through the club singing "I hate bridge; I hate bridge" sort of under his breath but I heard him and didn't believe it for a sec.

Best Laugh: Great Player David who stops play in the room when he starts laughing after I sarcastically tell partner/husband that he is a "bridge genius". I always forget that "thank you partner" thing but I'll get it eventually. Meanwhile, I entertain David.

Best of the Best: All the San Antonio bridge players over the past year who have given me advice, told me what I did wrong on a hand, explained that I need an attitude adjustment, and particularly those who have consented to play with me as a partner with the hope that I am capable of learning the game. Thank you everyone.

Happy Holidays

2009-12-18T22:15:00.004-06:00

For the last two nights of Hannukah, partner/husband took off for Las Vegas for a medical meeting. Knowing this was coming up, I scheduled two games for the days he was gone; one with friend, Rebecca, and the other with biig Al hoping against hope to pick up a point or two to at least try to close the 6.5 point gap before the end of the year. Biig Al and I hadn't been doing too well lately in our games together although I still pick his brain for great bon mots of bridge play and always come away learning something or other.

Friend Rebecca and I had played only once or twice previously but had a great day Thursday and were first in C and B scoring a nice, respectable 1.87 for which we were both high fived by director Tom. I love playing bridge with Rebecca; two mouthy New York babes with the same aggressive style.

Friday, Biig Al was up. I hid all his double and redouble cards to keep us out of trouble. He found them anyway but really played a great game and I didn't do anything ridiculously stupid. Much to my shock, we were second in A with a really nice pickup of 2.25 points. The highest compliment from Biig Al today was, "I feel like I'm playing with Robert", (my dementor and his usual partner). At least I THINK it was a compliment. It came after I had bid back two suits to try to keep partner out of trouble in the suit he continued to bid which I didn't have. The problem was, I had only 2 queens, one in each suit I bid but I did have 2 doubletons; technically stretching my hand to six. The opponents took the contract, as they should have, but Al kept leading my suits to get to my hand. He was beyond frustrated that I had nothing and finally said, "What the heck were you bidding on?" and then made the Robert comment. I laughed but I'm not sure I should have. A lot of bridge stuff makes me laugh when it doesn't make me cry. It's definitely not a game for manic depressives. A strong psyche is critical.

The gap between me and partner/husband now stands at 2.5 for the year and, for a couple of days, I can actually skip my zen meditation which I use to deal with this issue . I am coping. Partner/husband was off last night to play the poker machines in Vegas. I think that's probably the end of our retirement fund. I wonder if I can get work playing bridge like the pros do? That would be a wonder, wouldn't it? More likely, I'll be reactivating my nursing license. I hear there's a shortage again. I can probably make enough for bridge fees and lose weight by not buying food. Priorities, priorities.

I hope all my readers have a wonderful holiday filled with joy and love and, of course, great hands in the New Year, as long as they aren't against me.

Annie and Dee

2009-12-08T13:03:00.005-06:00

A few months ago, husband/partner and I were yakking with Annie and Dee, fellow 299ers, after a board. We mentioned that we had reservations for the Nationals in San Diego. The next thing we knew, husband/partner was teaching them about on line reservations and how to print a Southwest Airlines Boarding Pass for the same flights we were on.

We met Ann and Dee at Director Everette's Thursday night game for newcomers. It became immediately apparent that Ann and Dee were not the usual run of the mill newbies. Ann usually sat at table one north south and no matter how hard I tried to get her to smile or engage her in conversation, I was unsuccessful. Ann played her hands really well and we rarely got a good board against her. A few months later, Dee showed up; blonde, great figure, good spangley jeans to show off said figure and a tattoo on one leg. She had the gravely voice of a smoker, the outgoing personality of Ethel Mermen and had a nice looking, tall lanky guy for a partner.

Over my long lifetime, I should have learned by now that the very people I take an immediate dislike to turn out to be some of the best of friends. I called Dee "card snapping woman" and inwardly groaned when she showed up. After a lifetime of rubber bridge, Dee snapped cards louder than anyone I have ever played against. It drove me nuts. After a few Thursdays of this, I finally brought up the subject. Husband/partner's mentor, club owner, Marilyn told him that snapping cards at the bridge table is akin to picking your nose at the dinner table. He conveyed that to Dee that night and, to her credit, she has tried to curtail a very difficult habit to break.

The partnership of Dee and lanky guy broke up and Ann and Dee began playing together straffing the newcomer games. They didn't know too many conventions but crushed everyone by playing the heck out of every hand. They were a classic example of the theory that those who make the least playing mistakes win the game much of the time. I kept encouraging them to come play in the regular club games but got the usual newbie responses of how mean the regular players can be to newcomers. I kept telling them they could more than hold their own out there and how much the other players have helped to improve our game.

They emerged and started clobbering the C strat, then the B strat and have moved on to placing in the A strat. In the process, I found out that Annie is an incredibly interesting, bright person with a great smile and Dee is so overtly who she is and secure in herself that you have to love her. In San Diego, they won a KO with B players from San Antonio, rolling in a ton of gold points and laid waste to the 299er games where prizes for winning were coasters as well as red. Half way through the week, they were begging for space in our suitcases to store coasters. I think I know what my Christmas present will be.

It has been a fascinating experience to watch them pair up and develop so quickly as such a strong team. I have grown to love them both and was genuinely delighted at their success at their first National. Way to go, guys!! On to the AX level.

While in San Diego, we ran into great player Ira who was playing in the AX strat. I asked how it was going and he said, "Well, I was in first place but then I pulled a few 'Judys' and now I'm in 6th." He must have misplayed some no trump slams. Maybe the only way I will be famous in bridge annals is to have a particularly bad notrump play named after me.

Partner/husband and I had an intense, angst ridden, regret filled, sleepless week. On the good side, we met wonderful people from everywhere, exchanged information and made plans to play as a team when we next meet. We also found out where our bidding system is failing us and have made some adjustments. We did get 1.66 gold and 4 red but have yet to win a KO. We figure that's something for us to look forward to in the future. Husband/partner is looking for flights to New Orleans in July. Never give up. Never say die.

Clothing Optional

2009-11-16T16:07:00.002-06:00

Well not EXACTLY! One has to wear something to the bridge club but it’s optional what one chooses. On Saturday, a friend said to me, “That guy with the tight jeans is back again”. Shoot. When I was 30 or even 40, I wouldn’t have missed a guy in tight jeans. I am well and truly old at 65 that I had no idea which guy was the one under consideration. Finally, between rounds, the wearer was pointed out to me. Tight indeed but on very nice buns. He wasn’t one of our regulars but in from out of town for our sectional. My friend suggested that I should blog about bridge clothing. Never one to back down from a challenge, which is why I bid a bad, unmakeable 3 Spades in a Swiss game to the dismay of my dementor, here goes.

Fashion varies widely in our club. My dementor roars up on his motorcycle in his Madison High School booster shirt, black beard flying. The rest of the guys run the gamut from pullovers and slacks to shorts and tees. Boring except for dementor. Some of the women, however, flit around like bejewled tropical birds. One of our more gorgeous specimens was grazing a jewelry table when we were ready to start the round. She returned holding a new sparkly bracelet just in time to play . When I asked why she didn’t just put it on she replied, ‘It doesn’t go with the rest of my jewelry’. If I were a real woman, I guess I would have known that but, alas, I never learned girl stuff at the appropriate age and now, it’s too late. Learning bridge is hard enough. I can’t take any more lessons on anything else.

The late, lovely Darlene, just before she unexpectedly died, told me that she would “make me over”. She was always perfectly turned out in sparkly stuff, spandex, and more makeup than I have used in my whole lifetime. Every time we met, she would cluck cluck over my hair (needs a cut and rinse), makeup (none), jewelry (wedding ring doesn’t count although I do have my timex on most days – maybe that doesn’t count either) and clothes (too loose and dull, dull, dull). I miss Darlene. She lent flair to the room beside being one great bridge player.

Great player Ira shows up with a floppy hat on his longish, black kinky hair and professes that you MUST wear comfortable clothes at the table. I agree with that and usually wear a cotton shirt, capris and sandals. Sometimes, I remember to put my hoop earrings on. I have gained weight since taking up bridge (bad food at the club and less exercise but that’s another story), therefore I sometimes wear clothes which have mysteriously shrunk. I usually don’t notice though since, when I am playing, I don’t pay attention to much else. I find the red lines and chaffed areas when I get home and climb into my usual shorts and tees.

Great player Kim, always wears a fishing hat with a sports coat and pullover. I think he wears the hat to hide his face when he is making one his many mysterioso bids. Those are the two signature hat people along with great player Patty who always looks way cute in a pink baseball cap with her pony tail hanging out the back

I admire my fellow female players from Carolyn who always dresses well and looks regal to Jo, an actress, who always looks dramatic no matter what she wears – maybe it’s the British accent - , to Sally who looks like a model and wears gorgeous jewelry, and all the other ladies who dress well to play. I could do better I suppose, but I’m going with Ira’s comfort theory. Now, what to pack for the Nationals in San Diego?

In Memoriam

2009-11-03T16:48:00.002-06:00

Normally, I try to write funny stuff in this blog and sometimes I succeed and other times maybe not so much. However, today, I want to say how much I will miss my new friend Carl Morris. Carl was a veteran of three wars and distinguished in many other ways as well as at the bridge table. Partner/husband is not the zippiest of bidders or players and, when we first came up against Carl, he called the director on P/H's long hesitation prior to making a bid. Carl said, "I counted to 100 before his card came out". I passed anyway but he was no less irate. Two boards later, I did count to 100 before Carl bid and I said, "I got to 100 Carl but I'm not calling anybody". The smart remark earned me the bridgemaster glare.

As with many other A players, as we continued to show up and take our beatings, he thawed somewhat. I found out he was a WWII vet and thanked him for his service. That seemed to take him back a bit. Then I asked him in which theater he had served. He told me about island to island fighting in the Pacific. I told him that my Dad had died in Italy two months before I was born and that, now, I am the president of a national group of people who lost their Dads also. There were 180,000 of us. Like most people, he had no idea of the number of us there are but when I would sit down at his table, he would come up with another WWII story and there were no further director calls.

His long time partner and friend, Roger, announced yesterday that Carl was no longer with us and I teared up. Roger said that they came in first in their last game together before Carl died. That's the way I want to go. I will miss him greatly.

All Hallow's Eve

2009-11-01T05:34:00.001-06:00

or Hallowe'en as it is popularly known. A wicked witch and a fat pumpkin sat North South as husband/partner (dressed as a Phillies' fan with hat and shirt) and I sat down. Husband/partner passed and I opened a minor. H/P named hearts and I, holding 4, named spades. H/P pulled out his 2 Heart card and I bravely responded with my 2 NT card. The passed hand raised me to 3 NT. Down one. When I asked why a passed hand raised me, he said "I had 10 points and you kept bidding so I thought you were stronger". The pumpkin and the witch, as usual, agreed with him.

So, I ask, what does one do when there is no match in any suit and one knows that 2 NT is clearly makeable; not bid it? Bail out and pass with no match for partner's 5 hearts? I didn't wish to continue the discussion with witchie poo and the pouffy orange thing so I fumed along to the next table. I decided to take the hand to teacher Diane at the next supervised play session and ask her what I should have done. As luck would have it, the stupid hand record says it made 3 hearts and 2 NT. drat.

Recruiting

2009-10-20T07:44:00.000-05:00

Our son, Gregor, was always the outlier in our sports obsessed family. However, since moving back to San Antonio, he has become as fanatic a Spurs fan as all the rest of us who live here. He shows up on Sundays to observe the Cowboys/Giants controversies and, recently, has been subjected to the baseball playoffs since the beloved Phillies are still alive. During the last Sunday's game, held at night in Philadelphia, the temperature was about 40 degrees or so.

Greg asked, "who is that girl sitting on the sideline?" We explained that she is the "ball girl" and retrieves foul balls. Next question, "why is she all covered up?" We explained that it was really cold up there. Greg was shocked and said, "what's the point of watching a sport where the girls are all bundled up?" Aha moment! He doesn't care about the games - just the cheerleaders and other scantily clad so called dancers or whatever. I should have known.

However, it started me thinking. If the ACBL were smart and really wanted to grow the game, it should start looking to ramp up interest by using peripherals. What if a new player has a game breaking the 60 % barrier? Maybe the rest of the players should throw them to the floor and pile on top in celebration. The new health insurance plan should take care of the multitude of hip fractures.

How about teams in each city playing each other on the bridge network? Cross training some scantily clad, low cleavaged babes to interview the 50,000 point players would probably drag in some ratings. To keep the female viewers happy, hire some hunky pros who love seeing themselves on TV.

I envision a male/female duo doing the play by play of games in hushed voices like the golf guys. "Wait, wait I THINK he is going to finesse that 8 -yes, YES he is! It's rolling past east - almost there - oh NO - west takes it with his 9. What a miscalculation on south's part. That's gotta hurt him. What do you think, Sam?" Sports commentary just lends itself to the game don't you think?

Maybe some nice fireworks on a jumbotron when there is a spectacular Knock out win. Side stories on players' traumatic childhoods like they always do on the Olympic athletes. "Zelda grew up in Kazakistan and her mother had a cold when Zelda was just 6. She really had to work to overcome that tragedy". We bridge players have stories too!

I hope somebody at ACBL is reading this blog. I won't charge much for my ideas.

A Decent Game

2009-10-11T19:29:00.001-05:00

When we sat down at the club sectional game today, Pro Greg said, "I noticed you guys had a decent game yesterday". This is opposed to our usual indecent game where I strip naked and dance on the table if I don't screw up a 3 NT play. At least, I think that is what he meant. Maybe not. For the first time outside a novice game, husband/partner and I had managed to score a 60% the day before. Director Tom was close to a dead faint when he saw the score. Maybe it was the concussion from falling off his director chair earlier. Maybe not.

As you may recall, we took last week off from bridge play. We felt that we needed to reset our heads not to mention our expectations after our dismal 25% game in the NAOPs. In the first sectional game on Thursday afternoon, we scored about 40%. We were actually okay with that and stayed positive, feeling that we had not played badly. In the Thursday evening game, we netted a little over a coveted silver point with a 50% game. The next day our percentage went to 60. We expected a 70 today but, as you might guess, that didn't happen. We were knocked out of the knockouts by a considerable margin but took first in the afternoon C strat.

Teacher Diane was delighted for us. We have had one supervised play session with her and she is now taking credit for our most unexpected success while reminding us that bridge is a game of ups and downs. She and Director Tom can do a duet on that song. I do believe them based on our recent history alone.

The question is, what happened between 25% a week ago and these past three days? I think I need to study probability theory to explain it. There seems to be a possibility that anything can happen. The probability may be that some things might not but, then again, they might. The possibility is that our game will continue on a straight upward line. The probability is that we will continue to do the sine wave dance. After the drop to the bottom of the chart, we somehow made it up the other side to make a nice V. Perhaps the law of averages is working. I should have paid more attention in math class.

Bottom line, I love this game; win or lose. I think the few days I took off from playing gave me time to get myself under control and regain some perspective. If we play badly and lose, there is always another game. It happens to even the best players, although much less often. Maybe I will get to that point someday; maybe not; but, in the meantime, I will have great fun playing this magnificent game with my good friends in the San Antonio bridge community.

Sine Waves

2009-10-06T20:02:00.004-05:00

"Bridge is like a sine wave", says Director Tom, "results go up and down and up and down. Some days all your bids are genius and the hands fit and play themselves. Other days are normal." Okay - he didn't really say that last sentence. That was mine. I replied, "Yes, Tom, but we had a 25% game." As he wandered off, his voice floated back to me. "Okay - that is really bad." Add a Homer Simpson "duh" right here.

A series of gentle hills and shallow valleys charting our results would be a happiness. However, a 25% game is more like one of those steep lines you see on TV when the stock market crashes; nothing gentle in diving off the cliff like precipice impaling on the spade spears below. I'd be most happy to get back to the sweet undulating curves of a sine wave. Maybe tomorrow.

Taking a Break

2009-10-04T13:40:00.003-05:00

Husband/Partner's Phillies limped into the playoffs in the east, collapsing badly at the end of the season. Tony Romo and the "Girls" (husband/partner's name for the Dallas Cowboys when they are less than stellar) are not spectacular so far this season. Coach Pop is in the media saying that he is "very pleased with the Spurs team this year". This is code for "out after the first round of the playoffs". My NY Giants are doing well though. The kids call any Giants/Cowboys game the divorce bowl and make postgame phone calls to check that the marriage is still intact.

Our bridge playing however poses more danger than the divorce bowl ever has. It rained 4 inches last night but it has not rained points or, more importantly, decent play all week. The awful, horrid, embarrassing debacle at the NAOP event yesterday was the last straw. We decided to take a break from bridge. We both wonder if it is worth it when we feel so awful after such a wretched game at the end of a pitiful week. We have committments to other partners which we will honor including team games at the club sectional next week but we will not be playing otherwise.

We decided to find out how much we miss playing. We are also trying to analyse what happened this past week after feeling as if our game was on a good upward track. We decided to do some more bridge book reading and studying the game.

I am looking forward to playing with Biig Al next Tuesday because it is always fun. He covers for my dumb mistakes and makes my lemon bids into lemonade. I am extremely fortunate to know a few other women who are great for me to partner with and learn from. I hope those games will continue. Give up the game altogether? My internal jury is still out.

to be continued.

Giving Credit

2009-09-30T11:04:00.003-05:00

Biig Al paid up yesterday. Since I had previously posted that, after cleaning his cat's litter box for a week, he owed me points, I feel that it is only fair to give credit for yesterday's game. Partner/husband has set up a regular Tuesday game with Barney so I asked Al to play. I'm always honored when Al says "yes". It can't be easy for a bridge master to play with someone as low level as me. It was a really fun game and we netted a little over a point. Barney and husband/partner netted about .6 so I gained a half a point on husband/partner who remains 4 points out in the Ace of Clubs race. It's probably too late in the year to make up that amount so, I'm continuing my yoga and tai chi to attain inner bridge harmony.

The Worst Round Ever

2009-09-27T08:47:00.016-05:00

Last night, at the wonderful, well run by bridge dynamo Nell Morgan, well loved New Braunfels sectional, we were given an entry for north/south. Partner/husband wanted to switch to our usual east/west but I said no. I think the directors seat you where they need you and I hate to ask to switch without a compelling reason. East/west took 25 out of 27 bids and had 6 slams their way. We took two hands only; the first, a weaky freaky 4 hearts which brave partner/husband bid and made where I had about 3 points but 5 of his hearts. The last board of a verrry long night, I had 17 HCPs and opened one no trump - only the second opening hand I had in the round. Partner passed - I was down one.

One of our fellow beginners looked as shell shocked as we did. When we met at the one round to go scoring list, she said, "If it were like this all the time, I would never play again". I agree. Remember those old gray metal meat grinders with a vise grip thing to hold them on the edge of the heavy wooden kitchen table? Mom used to throw all kinds of leftover meat into it, turn the handle and grind out little shreds to make hash. After last night's session, we felt like the meat. Husband/partner used the wringer washer analogy. I think we need to work on new analogies. We are incomprehensible to our children who have no idea that the results of a meat grinder or wringer washer look like us after a round of rotten bridge.

The last time this happened to us was April 1st of 2008. We had 24 out of 26 negative scores as did most pairs who sat our way. We thought it was an April fools joke. It wasn't. Of course, like last night, our negative scores were lower than most others, defense being the biggest need for improvement in our game.

We tried not to whine but we did ask Director Scott how they came up with those hands. He told us that the ACBL provides them and that they are randomly generated. If he means computer randomly generated, someone needs to seriously look at that programming. I suppose, in truly random fashion, anything can happen at any time and the mathematicians among us could explain such happenings but it would be beyond my understanding anyway.

I prefer the conspiracy theory. We almost always sit east/west. The evil bridge fates knew what was coming and, purposely, sat us north/south. I wonder if they are trying to tell us something?

Correction

2009-09-26T09:25:00.007-05:00

Previously, I wrote that I had opened a Flannery bid with 9 points. Director Tom read my blog (since I told him that he was in it) and, when I walked into the Civic Center in New Braunfels yesterday, he told me, with a grin, that I was a dirty, rotten liar. Looking shocked (I wasn't), he told me that I had held 8 points not nine. He didn't buy my argument that I had upgraded my singleton queen of diamonds to 3. Nope, he didn't budge. He said that if I did it again he would throw me out. Shoot, I'm a child of the 60s. I've been thrown out of way better places than a bridge tournie.

We first met Director Tom last year at a sectional early in our duplicate days. Husband/partner had revoked three different times and Tom was quite tired of appearing at our table and ruling against us. At the first board of the session last night, husband/partner revoked. I had even asked, "no spades partner?", remembering Tom's original lecture that a revoke is partly partner's fault if partner does not ask the confirmation question.

Tom didn't even look surprised - one trick penalty. I later misplayed a makeable 3 NT hand to make up for husband/partner's error and give us one zero board each. Luckily, there is no director call for bad play.

Back to New Braunfels in a little while to mine for silver yet again.

It's Always Something

2009-09-23T20:59:00.005-05:00

I thought I made a particularly brilliant bid today. With 5 hearts to the 10 and 4 good spades and a total of about 9 points (pushing it to count a singleton queen), I opened a Flannery 2 diamonds. Left hand opponent asked husband/partner about my bid. Husband/partner gave the 5 heart/four spade/11-15 point correct explanation. LHO doubled and good partner/husband bid 2 spades. Right hand opponent bid 3 clubs and I bid 3 spades as a suicide bid knowing there was no way I would make it but figuring that they had something more than 100. I went down two. We opened the traveler and the opponents were making 3 NT on all previous boards. Left hand opponent felt cheated in that I had nine measleys and she had counted on at least 11 and quit bidding. I felt bad but thought I had made a brilliant defensive bid. Not so fast Ms. Novice.

At our encouragement, LHO called our fave tournament director, Tom, who was directing the game. I got a lecture (one of many helpful ones from Tom) on how "psyching" is not legal in a 2 suited opening convention. In other words, I had to have at least 11 HCPs to use it and anything else incurred a penalty. Oh no!!! Just when I think I'm being brilliant, I mess up our game. How typical. The problem is, if someone told me I had to make a psych bid, I wouldn't have the slightest idea how to do it. I didn't know it was wrong in this case nor did I know I had "psyched" but ignorance of the law..... you know the rest. Tom made what I thought was a fair ruling for both parties but warned me that he would remember and if I did it again, the penalty would be far more severe.

Now, if I can just remember the point count for opening Flannery is 11 and not 9, I'll be fine.

It's Fall

2009-09-18T10:16:00.007-05:00

At last, it has rained, the days are finally below 100 degrees, partner/husband's beloved Phillies are making their way into the playoffs and we went to an Austin sectional yesterday placing in two sessions. I am a great believer in omens. However, partner/husband has zoomed 4.5 points ahead of me in the Ace of Clubs race. I'm meditating and doing yoga to deal with this. So far, the zen state is eluding me but I have only whined about it occasionally. Housework today and back to Austin tomorrow with the hope that our streak keeps rolling.

We have both received great advice from the masters who occasionally play as our partners. Husband/partner has been told to take both hands into consideration when bidding and not just his own. I have been advised to stop dumping on partner/husband when he makes a mistake. We have agreed to go back to friend Steve's suggestion. When one partner takes exception to a lead/bid/play etc., he/she requests the other partner to "circle it" on the score sheet for later discussion. This is code for "stop discussing now; I'm getting upset; I don't want to hear about it; I know I messed up; NOT NOW PLEASE" or all of the above. Sometimes the offending partner has to say "circle it; circle it; CIRCLE IT!!!" before the ranting partner finally stops talking. Granted, this doesn't happen often but we are working on better partnership manners. Teacher Everette always reminds his classes that dumping on partner results in losing partner for at least three tables. I can testify to the truth of this from my time as dumpee. I'm not ALWAYS the dumper.

The good news is that, for me, my joy in playing the game no matter the result seems to have returned. It came back, of all things, when playing with Biig Al last week. We didn't have a good game but had a big load of fun playing together. Biig Al and dementor Robert had been on a road trip stealing gold from the Bostonians at a regional in New England. Meanwhile husband/partner fed Al's cat and I cleaned the litter box. The cat is not crazy about women so I stayed out of the way while husband/partner played with her. Mostly, she would look at me and run under the bed. Anyway, I told Biig Al he owed me a game. I forgot to mention that he owed me a game where we actually made points. As far as I am concerned, he hasn't paid up yet.

Okay - off to dusting and vacuuming - way less fun than playing bridge.

Depression

2009-09-08T14:50:00.003-05:00

My friends at the bridge club have been asking why I haven't written anything in a while. One word answer - depression. I don't want to write a downer blog; I'd rather write funny stuff but not too much funny has been happening lately or maybe it has and I haven't noticed. I misplayed a makeable 6 NT hand last night and was feeling pretty down and crabby when really good player, Daniel, told me that my problem was a bad attitude. I gave him a nasty smart remark back, probably because he hit too close to home. Okay - maybe he has a point. Okay - he is definitely right. I need an attitude adjustment or, as another player suggested, Zoloft (antidepressant for you non medical types).

I'm not doing the medicate myself into oblivion thing so I need an alternative. I know; I can blame husband/partner! Um, maybe not. When I try to do that ( I know I shouldn't but do anyway), the really good players tell me he didn't do anything wrong; I did. I guess that's why he is beating me in the Ace of Clubs race. I figure that is the bridge God's revenge for my sin in blaming partner/husband.

You know what I really, really hate? TRAVELERS!! Partner/husband says I shouldn't look at them. It's hard not to when everyone discusses what others did before us. It's more difficult still when the previous tables made their 6 NTs and I didn't. I suppose I could take a bathroom break at the end of each board but then people would be telling me to get a bladder control medicine rather than Zoloft.

Partner/husband and I are playing with several people other than each other this week. That might be a good thing, unless he zooms farther ahead in the Ace of Clubs race. I've been really nice to him lately. Maybe the bridge Goddess will notice.

and the drought breaks

2009-08-27T09:00:00.003-05:00

We managed a respectable .47 second in B yesterday. Actually, partner husband had scored with over a point the day before with his occasional partner, Barney. I wasn't too happy with my game yesterday, misplaying not one but two no trump hands. I was making negative comments about my play for which club owner, Marilyn, fines me a dollar per remark. I have been broke this year from paying her off. Marilyn calls us her "baby seals" since we continue to show up at her club to get clubbed (hence the name I assume).

My friend, Phil, arrived at our table as I was grumbling about something. He offered to get an elastic band for me to wear on my wrist. He also volunteered to snap it every time I made a negative remark for some negative reinforcement to go along with Marilyn's fining technique. These A/B players would do anything to help a little C, particularly if it involves pain.

Janise doesn't want me to mention her in my blog. She keeps pointing out how nice she is to me. She doubled my 4 bid and I went down 4 doubled and vulnerable. Great double, bad bid on my part, but she gets a mention anyway because it didn't feel so "nice". Let it be clear that she herself is very nice though.

So, off to bridge class this morning, then play, then another playing class tonight. Great! My fave kind of day - all bridge with food breaks in between. I really need to start exercising again - maybe tomorrow.

"It's Just a Game"

2009-08-27T08:04:00.004-05:00

Really? Those of us who are seriously "into" bridge spend hours and dollars each week at the tables, presumably trying to improve. We spend additional time in bridge classes, reading bridge books, going on bridge cruises (by far the coolest setting for bridge games) and pestering A players into telling us how we could have made the contract. Just a game?

Maybe, compared to ending famine and war, bridge is "just a game" with the "just" being justified in those cases. Is it frustrating? You bet! Is it exalting? Not often enough. As with all intermittant rewards, that is the hook. If it were exalting all of the time, the reward would be constant and the game would lose it's interest and allure. I must remember this the next time I'm beating myself up about misplaying yet another no trump hand.

I have noticed that there is a difference in people's philosophy toward bridge playing which roughly breaks into two groups. One group loves the game but plays once or twice a week; they are typically not into classes or using new techniques, love playing out the hand but use few conventions, and really enjoy the social aspect of hanging with everyone at the club.

The second group show up four or five times a week (or more). They are nuts about the game; religiously reading the "Bridge Bulletin", adding new conventions, taking any class that comes along, going over hand records after the match, and traveling to sectionals, regionals and nationals in pursuit of colored points as well as challenging play. Many of this group's close friends are "bridge friends".

The people who say that bridge is "just a game" usually fall into category number one and seem to have little understanding for those of us who fall into the fanatic category. When I get upset with myself at the table, hearing the phrase "it's just a game why are you so upset?", makes my jaw clench. I know they are trying to help and attempting to put one hand's misplay into perspective for me but let me grumble and fume. Bridge is much more than "just a game" to me. I don't know that I can adequately explain why that is so but I have to own up to the fact that the game is a very important part of my life and it matters to me how I play. Does it matter more than family and crushing world problems? Of course not; but it still does matter and that should be respected. Saying "it's just a game" tells me worlds about the speaker's philosophy but has no relevence to mine.

Sunday Morning

2009-08-23T09:38:00.000-05:00

The point drought continues. I'm investigating a sun spot theory. We decided to take a break from playing for a few days after yesterday's embarrassing debacle. I know this will end; I just can't figure out when or how to help end it and get back to our usual playing style. We are both discouraged but the only thing I know for sure is that I am NOT giving up the game. I think I'll go read the comics.

The Drought

2009-08-22T02:20:00.002-05:00

Partner/husband and I both exceeded 100 masterpoints last month. At 99 points, I called my dementor, Robert, and asked him to play to have the great honor of seeing his favorite (only) mentee go over 100. To my amazement, we actually did it.

It is now the 21st of the following month; a month with virtually no masterpoints for either of us. Since the Spurs season hasn’t started, I decided to blame the drought. 52 days over 100 this year and no meaningful rain for about 18 months. Area lakes are mud holes. Streams have dried up along with most of our landscape due to watering restrictions. As the drought continues, so does our point drought. We have each played with other players with similar results; low to mid 40th percentile. I even played with Biig Al the other day who is usually good for a point or two. 41 percent. He had a bad day.

Yesterday, two fellow non life masters bid and made 7 NT at our table. We were really and truly happy for them. However, not one of the other players (mostly As and Bs) in the match bid the slam. Everyone stopped at 6. Zero board for us. We have had a series of similar incidents recently and are waking up to the fact that bridge is not all skill; there is a certain amount of luck involved in which opponents arrive at your table for what boards.

I decided to shake things up yesterday and sit north/south instead of our usual east/west. Everyone who sat east/west was in the 50s. North/souths? 40s. Toward the end of the match I finally had a solid 22 point 2 club opener. Left hand opponent gleefully bid 2 spades. Partner passed. Uh oh. I bid 3 clubs, made 5 but shouldn’t have.

Tomorrow is the unit game. It’s free with free food so every bridge player in town will be there. I have some hope that the point drought will break. It is 2:00 A.M. right now and there is thunder and lightening outside along with a big (although short lived) downpour. We are going to a weatherman’s house for dinner tonight. Putting those good omens together, I think we will scratch in the morning.

To be continued.

Obsession

2009-08-19T10:05:00.001-05:00

Okay all you novices. Here is how it goes after a year and half of duplicate play:

1. You start to schedule doctor, dentist and haircut appointments around the times of the club game.

2. When you are planning a vacation, you google bridge clubs in the area. The heck with the beach and hikes in the mountains. It’s YOUR vacation!

3. You wake up at 2 A.M. in a cold sweat after dreaming that partner has put you in a game contract in spades when you have zero points and the 2, 3 and 4 of spades.

4. You awake in the morning still kicking yourself about the slam hand you misplayed the day before.

5. You have many more bridge friends than non playing old friends. It becomes difficult to keep up with all of them so you get a Facebook page.

6. When you haven’t played in a couple of days, your hands itch.

7. People give you bridge books to read. They cover your coffee table and are stacked in tall piles next to your bed.

8. You give up the novice games because the field inconsistancy starts to drive you nuts.

9. You count points like a maniac and spend many dollars on gas to obtain silver and red.

10. Non playing friends suggest an intervention.

A Novice Triumph

2009-08-19T10:03:00.000-05:00

I was so happy the day after this happened that I wrote the following:

Partner husband and I consider ourselves novices still although we have now been playing for about a year and a half and have reached the exalted heights of 85 masterpoints.

In the weeks before the San Antonio Regional, the source of the highly desirable red MPs, and the remote possibility of gold, we decided to do a lot of playing at our local clubs for practice. We had added Flannery to our list of conventions and tweaked our 2 club responses. The jury was still out on whether we liked Flannery or not, having misbid it twice in addition to giving the opponents the wrong point count for it (I’m very bad with numbers). We slumped with not only 30ish percent games, but one very wretched game in the 20s. Our friends, the A and B players (we call them sharks – lovingly though) asked, “What’s with you guys anyway?” We had no answer. We took two days off from playing trying to let our wounded egos heal a bit and then headed off to the first night’s play at the Regional.

We played well but did not place. The next day – choice pairs – third in C overall – wooeee! Success is ours. We each won a two dollar bill to offset the cost of the game – riiiiight. The next day’s choice pairs were less than stellar for us. That evening, a Swiss was scheduled and we went into the 299er room, dragged out a pair from Austin and talked them into playing with us. We really liked them both when we played in their club and thought that they play extremely well. They were skeptical that they had the ability to play with the big players but we assured them that the directors matched up teams by skill level. We should have checked that out.

The table assignments were up when we bought our entry. I thought that was odd since there seemed to be no match up by MP points since there was no way the directors could know who would be sitting at which table. I decided to keep quiet. Swiss are way more fun than side games and I didn’t want to lose our shaky partners. I got the table assignment and sent our friends off to sit east/west at the opposing team’s table. We had a nice game; nothing great but we didn’t embarrass ourselves.

Back came our teammates, Sharon and Ken, Sharon looked wide eyed stunned. “Do you know who we just played against?” Ken said, “I thought you told us they matched the teams by masterpoints?” He sounded a little angry and I thought to myself, ‘Uh oh; the end of a budding friendship”. Sharon said, “Eddie Wold – you know the Eddie Wold that has a million MPs and writes a bridge column?” Holy cow. I calmed them down and we managed to explain imp scoring to them and get our total. Minus 6. They were crushed. “No, no, no! Minus six against Eddie Wold’s team?”, I shouted bouncing up and down in my chair. “That is AMAZINGLY good!” They looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

We lost the next by round one imp, explaining to partners that a one imp swing is not that important. They still looked at us like we were nuts. We are, but usually succeed in disguising it. We lost another one but won the last round by plus 11 and placed third in C netting 1.45 of the coveted red.

Phew. We redeemed ourselves. Sharon and Ken learned about imps and better yet, learned that they can sit at a table with an incredible player and hold their own. We exchanged phone numbers and made plans to play again when we next end up at an event together.

When I went to the desk to check out our score, a friend from our club said, “HEY, I heard you did will against the Wold team”. I gave full credit to Sharon and Ken and then told them that they were the talk of the night. Today, I love this game.

The Riot at the Hyatt

2009-08-19T09:57:00.001-05:00

Here is what happened at our first Nationals:

The Nationals in Houston this year were a driveable distance away. Not having to get on a plane to go anywhere is always a good thing so husband/partner and I decided to check out the big leagues. By the time we made this decision, there were no rooms available at the host hotel, the Hilton. We used some points to stay at a nearby Hyatt.

As we checked in, I noticed a HUGE banner over the entrance saying “Welcome NCAA Players”. Being an astute novice bridge player, not much escapes my notice (except a laydown slam possibly), and I immediately became aware of a lobby full of young athletes in all shapes and sizes. The desk clerk explained that they were college volley ball, track and field, wrestling and swimming teams from all over the country in town for a meet. I must have looked concerned so she assured us that the coaches had signed agreements that the students would be in their rooms and quiet by 11 P.M.

We chatted with students in the elevators, wished them luck in the morning, asked how they did in the evening before and after we toddled over to the Hilton to PLAY IN THE NATIONALS! We say this to all our social or non bridge playing friends and they are sutitably impressed. They don’t know that we played in some 299er games there and only placed once. We don’t share that info.

Thursday and Friday night were quiet with all the students, as promised, in their rooms by the time we returned after the evening pairs session. Saturday, the meet finished up and we returned to the Hyatt at about 12:30 A.M. with a Swiss team scheduled for 9 A.M. the next day. The lobby was packed with hundreds of kids, the bar had kids on top of kids (so much for a quiet late nightcap) and there were kids on every floor on the balcony/hallways overlooking the lobby.

At 1 A.M., the noise hadn’t abated. I called the desk and asked if the hotel staff could quiet things down a bit. They apologized and said that security would take care of it and they did.

At 2:30 A.M. weird chanting awakened me. I looked out the door and there were hundreds of athletes in the lobby and more on every balcony/hallway overlooking the lobby and they were chanting something back and forth with the sound reverberating and magnifying through the open construction of the hotel. Students were running around outside our door, beer cans were flying, girls were shreiking and boys were yelling. I started dialing the front desk and got only a busy signal. I pushed every button on the phone and no one answered any line.

At 3 A.M. things were getting worse out there and husband/partner was throwing clothes on saying ‘I’ll go out there and take care of THIS!’ I threw myself in front of the door and reminded him that there were 18 year old, very buff, fit wrestlers out there. He wouldn’t have a chance and I didn’t want to have to look for a new partner after his funeral.

Worried about the hotel staff and the safety of the players, fearing that one of them would go over a balcony and end up splattered on the lobby floor 14 stories below, I called 911.

“911 what’s your emergency.”

“I am a guest at the Hyatt hotel and there is a riot going on.”

“A riot?”

“Spring breakers are out of control destroying the place and no one at the front desk or security will answer. I’m worried the kids have hog tied the staff and taken over.”

“What is the address of the hotel?”

“Louisiana Street.”

“How do you spell that?”

“Like the state.”

“Ma’am you have to spell it.”

More screaming outside the door with someone pounding on our connecting door to the next room shouting “Anna’s naked in there!”

“L O U I S I A N A” I not so patiently spelled.

Then, smelling smoke I stupidly said, “and – I smell smoke”.

Already sounding annoyed with me, the 911 operator said, “I’m connecting you to fire” and clicked off while I was yelling “no no no I need the police!!!”

The fire lady calmly said that she would dispatch police and fire which she did without asking me to spell anything. What a good person.

Within five minutes, large specimens of Houston’s finest showed up with big clubs and guns shouting “Get in your room or we will take you to jail”. Within ten minutes, it was blessedly quiet.

We played our Swiss the next morning on three hours sleep and came in second. We now think we play better sleep deprived. Our A player friends say we couldn’t be much worse.

Table Manners

2009-08-19T09:55:00.000-05:00

I envy the duplicate players who, when the dummy comes down, always say “Thank you partner” in a nice even tone no matter what shows up. When I bid one no trump with a lovely, well balanced hand and 17 points, partner/husband passes more than half the time. When the dummy comes down he may have a jack or a ten, if I’m lucky. Sometimes I remember to say “Thank you partner”. When I do, I usually add “for that nice dreck of a hand”. Or, the “thank you partner” comes out sounding like the thank you to husband when I get a vacuum cleaner for an anniversary gift unless, of course, a four carat diamond is attached to the crevice tool. Now, that would get a thank you akin to slam laydown, in our case, unbid of course.

The other night, I dumped partner into an unmakeable five diamond contract instead of rebidding my six card spade suit. I apologized about six times, one for each spade. Our opponents said, “They must be married. She sounds as if she doesn’t mean it.” Actually, I did mean it but I suppose I lacked sincerity. Next up, acting classes to hone skills in sounding if not being authentic at the bridge table.

I’ve been working on the stone face thing. It’s really tough to sit as dummy and watch partner leave a good 13th diamond on the board, transfer to hand, and go down one. I keep reminding myself I have done way worse such as trumping my good ace from the dummy on the first trick of the game and similarly going down one. Early on, we were chastised by a lady who said I had looked at partner and that was how he knew to lead the a club to me which set her contract. I didn’t remember looking at him at all but now, I just don’t. I keep my head down and look only at the cards on the table. Most people at the club know me by the way I part my hair. If I part on the other side, they have to read my nametag.

We decided to try another club sectional recently and an imp game at that. We have read about imps and had them explained to us by various people, but totally understanding imps is still a goal. At one table early in the match, opponents were in a five diamond contract. We had them down two when the declarer summoned the director saying that partner had not followed suit. Two trick penalty. I thanked the ladies after the game, turned and left the table to get a drink of water without looking at or speaking to partner. I wonder if the hat lady would say that was okay in such an egregious situation. His remorse didn’t help a bit. The only bright spot in the situation was that I hadn’t committed the flagrant foul. Flagrant foul punishment from the National Basketball Association can be a fine and/or suspension for a game or two. Hmmm.

Good luck partner.

Bridge on the Boat

2009-08-19T09:52:00.001-05:00

In terms of chronology, the following happened first. John, the bridge master in this piece, told us that if we wanted to improve our game, we must join a bridge club and play. When we returned home, we did.

Bridge on the Boat

We two moderately unskilled social bridge players were talked into going on a cruise ship for the first time by close friends who would rather be on a boat than just about anywhere else. For the intro to cruising, the friends found a great deal from Barcelona to Miami. We were fairly certain that neither of us were all that claustrophobic nor motion sick. Being together in a small cabin for ten days? We gave it no thought since we didn’t really know how small the cabins were.

When we finally made it through labrythian hallways of the ship to our cabin, there was on the counter, a little flyer listing daily activities and we noticed that there were two bridge teachers on board giving lessons and supervising play. Oh boy, our favorite game lessons; great!

John was a British master, a large fellow, with unruly white hair and a ruddy complexion with fierce blue eyes which brooked no nonsense from know nothings such as me. He was accompanied by his pal and sometime partner at his home club, Ivor, a quiet, patient guy who contrasted well with John’s strong personality. Whenever I had a question, I waited until after class and asked Ivor.

During the first class, finesses were discussed. I mumbled under my breath “finesses never work”. Although I was sitting in the back trying to look inconspicuous, John, with the acute hearing of a bird of prey, pounced! “AHA”, he said, “You are right – they don’t” and then, peering intently at me from under bushy white eyebrows blue eyes flashing, finished with, “Unless you know how to do them properly”. Oh great.

“Miss Finesses never work, what do you think of this hand?” John would ask in my general direction.

“I don’t know enough to make an intelligent comment.” I thought that might get me off the hook. Not a chance.

“Good! You are making progress!” John would shoot back.

Most of what John said was like listening to a foreign language and I don’t mean British English. Splinter, ACOL, Flannery, Jacoby 2no, Drury, Bergen; we were definitely at sea and not just literally.

Before this ship experience, partner/husband and I had subbed in exactly two duplicate games in a neighborhood group. We didn’t understand much about duplicate including the scoring. The first afternoon of boat bridge, when I was asking myself what kind of an idiot would take a cruise and spend it in the card room instead of on the sunny deck, we placed first. John was in a state of shock so, feeling responsible for his continued good health, after play we treated he and Ivor to their favorite large Australian beer in the champagne bar.

In subsequent days we slipped to middle, one day finally to last and then made our way back up to the middle of the pack by the last sea day. I announced in class that the more I listened to John, the worse our score was. He denied responsibility and blamed it on our lack of understanding of basic bridge with which we couldn’t argue and the rest of the class already knew having played against us and racked up wins.

My favorite saying of John’s went something like this: “When you have a void, you KNOW that your TWIT of a partner will open that suit”. When husband/partner and I need to defuse a bridge tiff, one of us will say, “If my twit of a partner had only………” and we end up laughing remembering John Beard, British Master and author, our first duplicate teacher, and great cruise friend.

More From the Newbie

2009-08-19T08:44:00.000-05:00

This was my second effort at documenting our bridge life:

Club Manager, Biig Al and Director Bob decided that partner/husband and I needed more than a little assistance in breaking out of our thirtieth percentile slump. They decided that we needed to split up, each of us playing with one of them at one of the night games at the Turtle Creek Bridge Club where all the San Antonio bridge nuts hang out. We may be new at this but we are still nuts.

The night games at the club usually fill three or four tables or, on a good night, five or six. The atmosphere in the evening is looser than during the day when the room is filled but the bridge is no less serious. Possessing way more sense than we do, few other C players venture into the late waters. Therefore, we are ranked B at night. We rarely do well in the evening games but keep returning anyway since husband/partner has a part time job which interferes with our bridge time during the day. Besides, we like the night atmosphere and the evening players who, in their vampire like way, rarely see the club in the light of day.

I learned a new bridge rule while playing with Bob. Never rescue a bridge genius unless he requests it. LHO opened 2 diamonds, Bob passed, RHO responded 3 diamonds and I had 17 points. I couldn’t figure out how to open – no 5 card major – don’t want to go 4 clubs with three measleys and not enough points to say 2NT and so I passed, forgetting completely about the fact that most people would know to double to show points. Bob then bid 3 spades. Doubled by RHO. Sensing disaster and seeing that I have all suits stopped, I bid 3 NT. Down 3 doubled. Bob was patient and kindly but this was the first board of our new partnership. He was great in disguising his dread of the long night ahead with gloating from Biig Al at the end.

We plodded along and, when a similar board came along later, I remembered to double to signal points and we did well. I know Bob was inwardly sighing and thinking to himself, “Well, at least she is trainable”.

About 9:45 the owner of the Chinese restaurant next door to the club, pounded on the club front door. Most play halted. Two of her workers were behind the strip center in pursuit of a tagger. The strip center was newly painted and a prime draw for gang symbols and spray paint. Out the back door thundered Biig Al (we didn’t know he could move that fast), my partner, Director Bob, Director Everette, and my husband. About ten minutes or so went by and things started getting gritchy inside the club. A few of us wandered into the darkness behind the strip center to see what happened. The men had the tagger cornered where he was crouched behind a dumpster drinking beer with a backpack full of black spray paint. The police took 40 minutes to show up, handcuff the guy and throw him into the back of the squad car during which the other players in various states of disgruntlement had already packed up their gear and gone home.

Biig Al is giving everyone a free play next Tuesday night and I tried not to show absurd relief in not getting swocked by husband/partner due to my stupid bidding on the rescue board. Deus ex machina; the hand of the bridge God in the games of man, for the first time to my benefit.

Intro

2009-08-18T19:13:00.000-05:00

I am a novice bridge player. Okay, I've been playing duplicate for about 18 months and have just passed the 100 point mark, but, I'm still a novice and, most of the time, play like one. I have written about some incidents from the past year or so and thought that they might be enjoyable for not only new duplicate players but also older ones. One has been published in our unit newsletter already and was favorably received by everyone (at least that is what they told me). One expert player let me know that, after reading the article, he had vowed to TRY to be more patient with those just starting out. He has been. Another player had been urging her husband to learn duplicate and, after reading the article, he began attending a novice class. I was gratified by these little results. When someone in the club suggested blogging, I decided to give it a try. I've never even read a blog before so, this should be another learning process for me. I probably don't need more since I am still at the bottom of the bridge educational ladder but here goes!

We retired and my husband started rattling around the house wondering what to do with his life. We had always loved playing cards but, knowing no one who would play bridge with us, we joined a nearby bridge club in January of 2008 and started showing up.

It quickly became clear to me that playing bridge reflected other aspects of my life. Prime example: once I call a card from the board, I can’t change my mind. I can try, but will be admonished by the people at the table with ten thousand million master points that said is as good as done - too bad.

I write my own rules on the ACBL card, but, when I forget what’s on there, more admonishments come from the opponents that what I had bid or played was “non standard”, whatever that is. When someone said to me, “That was a non standard lead”, my response was “Which lead?” and they gave up in despair.

An A player called the director stating that we had reversed and therefore bid incorrectly after that. I kept asking him what a reverse was but he wouldn’t answer. We looked it up in our Bible, “Bridge for Dummies”, but still were unable to figure out why he was so upset. The director informed the A player that unless he had received his bridge teaching certification he should leave us alone.

My beloved partner and I made an agreement that we would not chide each other at the table but discuss the hand in a private spot after the boards were finished. When I chide anyway, which he never does, I have to apologize to the table but it doesn’t fix a thing; just like the rest of our marriage.

If I make a really bad error, the opponents call the director, similar to my neighbors calling the police about our loud parties or barking dog.

Bridge, at least for beginner, seems to be a series of elations and despairs. We made a silver point at a sectional, in C players flight, for the first time scoring above 50%. We were psyched. We walked across the club parking lot high fiving each other. “We’re on way – we’ve got it figured out now” we naively gloated. For two weeks after that, we were unable to get out of the twenties.

It’s like your favorite sports team in a batting, scoring, or shooting slump. It seems like it never ends. In fact, our bridge slumps seem to parallel our beloved Spurs when they are unable to find the hole in the basket. When the Spurs can’t shoot, we can’t win a bridge game. I used to think that unless I wore my favorite Spurs’ shirt and bracelet, they couldn’t win. I think I’ll blame my bridge slump on their lack of scoring in the playoffs this year. Fair is fair. They play better defense than I do, though.

We have made friends at the club. We like the directors all of whom take an interest in our daily percentage. We wish they wouldn’t. I feel dumb as a rock when I trump my own good ace from the board. The nice opponents say, “Oh, we have all done that”. I know they are lying.

The club started having 199er games once in a while. Some members told us to steer clear of them feeling that playing in the regular games with those who are much better will improve our game faster than playing with other beginners. We think they like having cannon fodder around to help their point production.

The slump continued so we decided to join one of those games to try to blast ourselves out of our gloom and doom. We got killed. We forgot that we have been playing for 6 months and have 11 or so points. Some of the others had been playing for 2 or 3 years and are almost at 200. Big difference in experience.

It reminded me of our son who graduated from college and started interviewing for a job. He called home and said, “They want me to take an ENTRY level job!” Imagine that. Experience counts for something we explained to him but forgot that the same lesson applies to bridge too.

Ugh, contracts. How many contracts have we had throughout our lifetime? Most recently, we have had contracts in the serial remodeling of our house. That has been going on for 15 years or so. We sometimes ended up in bad contracts with bad contractors and finally got it right in the last room – the laundry room. Oh well.

Bad contracting followed us into the bridge club. We had never seen a bidding box before and had to be shown how to take out the cards and stack them properly left to right in front of us if we dared to bid anything. It took several weeks before I quit reaching over to play the dummy myself.

So, we are putting in table time. This advice we get from everyone, including the bridge club owner, “You need to keep playing.” I suspect that she may have a vested interest in this though.

After about a week and a half of the slump, my partner stated his wish to quit. Biig Al was the first director my husband met when he went to the club to check it out before we joined. Al was wandering around stacking boards and toting coffee so, I privately asked him to talk to my husband. I didn’t want to have to find a new partner. I could see nothing but problems with that. Anyone whom I talked into playing with me would have to leave his concealed hand gun at home. This is Texas, after all.

Al talked partner into playing with him. That went well since husband/partner came home relatively intact with no bruises nor broken limbs. Al is a big guy. Plus, my partner has expressed willingness to continue playing with me as his partner. It gives me a nice sense of security about our marriage. I thrive on security. So why am I playing bridge at all? Great question.

Our percentage has crept back up into the 30s. We now know what transfers, Michaels, and preempts are. We use the bidding box like pros although usually ending up in the wrong contract. It’s a work in progress – like life.